[ Gunshots ]
Thanks for comin' in today
to discuss your daughter'sbehavior, m'kay.
Exactly what kind of trouble isShelley in, Mr. Mackey?
Well, unfortunately,we found out
our playground monitorhas been accepting favors
to look the other way at recessand, uh...
your daughter sent himan inappropriate picture.
of her butthole, m'kay.
Why wouldthe recess monitor
want a pictureof my daughter's butthole?!
We've been havinga lot of issues at the school
with kids vaping lately,
and they bribethe recess monitor
however they can.
How much worse can thingsget around here?!
M'kay, but -- but thereis good news, m'kay.
We had the picture analyzed,and it turns out it was
actually just a pictureof a dog's butthole,
m'kay, that your daughter claimed was hers.
M'kay, there it is --a little fur right there.
That's what we'redoing now, huh?
There's not enough bad thingsin the world?
We get called into school,here's a dog's butthole for ya.
That's what it's allcome to, Shelley!?
I'm over it, Sharon.I am seriously over it.
Don't you wanna just start over?Go back to simpler times?
What do you mean?
I've had it --school shootings,
pieces of shittaking Ambien and tweeting,
priests raping kids,and somehow...
I'm not laughing anymore.
Let's do it, Sharon,what I've always talked about.
Let's get outta here.
Go buy a farmand live off the land.
Are you being serious?
I've never beenmore serious.
[ Horn honks ]
Hey,the lights green!
Shut up, Nelson!
Let's move outto the country.
Go back to simple livingwhen things mattered,
like hard workand tegridy.
How will we makea living?
By growing things
and selling what we makewith our hands.
We can do this, Sharon.
♪ This ol' world isgettin' to me ♪
♪ There's just no trust,no tegridy ♪
♪ So, I loaded up the kids,took my wife by the arm ♪
♪ And I moved on outto a Colorado farm ♪
♪ Now it's early to bed,early to rise ♪
♪ The crops are plowed,and it's no surprise ♪
♪ City folks are fightin',and I don't give a darn ♪
♪ Cause I make my livin'on a Colorado farm ♪
♪ I gotta drive the tractor,gotta cut the grass ♪
♪ Chut-chut goes the balerlike it's never gonna last ♪
♪ There's food in the kitchen,and there's bud in the barn ♪
♪ That's lifelivin' on a Colorado farm ♪
♪ Ice cold beer, pickup truck
♪ Country music,listin' shit ♪
♪ We've got tegridyto keep us warm ♪
♪ That's what you geton a Colorado Farm ♪
♪ And I'm gonna stayon a Colorado Farm ♪
So, just like that?
Your parents sold your houseand everything?
Yeah, it takes me like an hourto get to school now.
All because Shelley bribedthe playground monitor
to let her vapeduring recess.
Why wouldyour sister want
to get addictedto those things?
Well your little brotherdoes it too, Kyle.
What are youtalking about?
You didn't know?
The kindergartnersare, like,
the biggest vapersat this school.
I am a truck!
Watch outfor the monster!
Ike, do you havea vaping pen?!
Dude! Gimme that!
Hey!Gimme back my vaporizer!
What is this?
Cherry-flavored nicotine?!Are you joking?
Aw, come on!All the kids are doing it.
Yeah!I like lemon flavor!
Why do you wantnicotine?!
Do you know how hard it isbeing a kindergartner?
We need a breaksometimes!
These things are bad for you,do you understand?!
Try some gummy bearsurprise.
[ Coughs ]
All right.Where'd you guys get these?
[ Engine turns off ]
Mornin', Joe.How's the farmin'?
Doing good, neighbor.
Just planted somePurple Skunky Kush.
Harvested the Super Hindu Hazelast week.
Well that's fine,Joe, just fine.
I'm growin' someGreen Willy Stranger myself.
And the Catatonic Tegridy Budis takin' well.
[ Engine starts ]
Well, see ya 'round,neighbor!
So long, Joe!
[ Indistinct talking ]
Kindergartners saidit's some big kid
in a trench coat.
Kyle:That's gotta be him.
What areyou gonna do?
I'm gonna tell himif he sells a vape pen
to my brother again,I'm gonna kick his ass!
Oh! Hey, fellas!
What are you guys doin?
Butters,are you selling vapes?
Well, sure!Whatcha lookin' for?!
I've got strawberry, vanilla,tropical passion --
It's like mango and kiwi.
Butters, you understandthis stuff is
an epidemicat our school?!
Yeah, and at five bucks a pop,we're gonna be rich!
Butters,this is for Kyle.
Randy, I think we needto have a talk.
No time to talk.
The agricultural inspector'sabout to drop by.
Once we getcertified from him,
we can start sellinglike a real farm.
Have patience, wife.
Soon our fortuneswill change.
[ Knocks on door ]
Ooh, that mustbe him now!
Yes, I'm withthe State testing board.
Is this...Tegridy Farms?
Name's right there on the sign.Come on back!
So, withthis Vestin device,
I can check not onlythe THC levels in your product,
but also detect any impuritiesand give you a final score
based on overallchemical makeup.
[ Inhales ][ Bubbling ]
That's good shit.
Now let me test the levelsin your organic house blend.
[ Inhales ][ Bubbling ]
Yep.That's good shit.
Now what aboutthe Tegridy Jungle Bud?
Let's test it out.
[ Inhales ][ Bubbling ]
I don't knowwhat tegridy is,
but that is somegood shit!
♪ Five-dollar footlooong
[ Door rattles ]
Why'd you punch me,Eric?!
I had to!
I thoughtwe were partners!
Butters, next timewhen Kyle walks up to you
and says "Are youselling vape stuff,"
You say,"No, I am not, Kyle."
You punched mein the face!
Butters, we have to beextra cautious right now
or else we're --hang on, hang on --
[ Groans ]
[ Strains ]Hang on.
[ Splash ][ Sighs ]
Okay, we have to beextra cautious, Butters.
The whole operation isin a period of transition.
[ Toilet flushes ]What's that supposed to mean?!
In case you haven't noticed,we're falling behind.
We haven't sold enough productto pay off our overhead.
The people I bought fromare on my ass!
Everything costs money,Butters.
The pens, the juice,even that jacket I got you.
We can't startgetting sloppy now.
Do you understand?
Well, I don't knowhow this means
you can go and punch mein the face --
Everything will make sense,Butters, I told you.
Just stickwith the plan, okay?
Did you know that vapingis way healthier
than smoking cigarettes?
All right, everyone!
Who's ready for somefarm-to-table supper?!
We've got somehemp milk here...
hemp-oil and vinegarbruschetta...
some hemp seed tabouli.
And guess what the napkinsare made from?
[ Horn honks ]
Oh, wonder whothat could be.
Howdy.What can I do ya for?
Is this Tegridy Farms?
Yeah, name's right thereon the sign.
Our company is interestedin your product.
We'd like to do some businesswith you.
Really?!Hey, that'd be great!
What kind of company --
We're one of the topvape companies
in the state.
We'd like to add your productto our line.
[ Chuckles ]Oh, no. Sorry.
I don't want my Tegridy Budput in those pussy sticks.
Yeah, you know --
penis pen, wussy vape,lady joints.
Not on my farm,no sirree.
You got a problemwith vaping?!
It's cleaner and healthierthan traditional smoking!
Now, hows aboutyou take that pussy stick
and get off my farmbefore I shove it up your ass
and you're blowing mistout your butthole.
You can bea part of progress
or you can getrun over by it.
All you're doin' isblowin' smoke --
Sorry, "fruity steam."Pussy.
What happenedto your accent?
Go vape some more,ya fuckin' puss.
You'll be sorry!
I need to speakwith the principal.
Okay.What is it regarding?
I'd rather justtalk to him.
Right through there,you're second in line.
-Oh, hey, Kyle.-Hi, Kyle!
What are you up to?
You knowwhat I'm up to.
Okay, cool.But come check this out.
This is really cool --Don't touch me.
Just come -- No, just come see.D-D-Don't touch me.
This is really cool
You know, Kyle,people all need a way to relax.
And there's no proofthat vaping is that bad for you.
You're selling itto kindergartners!
Kindergartners need a break,too, Kyle!
Butters: You know theytook away their nap time.
You're such penises.Would you rather
the kindergartnerssmoke cigarettes?
Would you rather they drank?!That's not good!
Kyle! Kyle, Kyle!Okay, okay!
Just please listen,all right?
The truth is...we want out.
Butters and I thought wecould just make some easy money.
but you gotta pay offthe sixth graders,
then you gotta pay offthe recess monitor
to look the other way.
We're in deep, Kyle.
Just let us sell enoughto get out of debt,
And we will stop,I swear it.
You're so full of shit.
Come on, Kyle.We all make mistakes.
Did you already forgetlast week?
Ronan Farrow was hereasking about you.
Ronan Farrow?No, he wasn't.
Yes, Kyle.He was right over there!
Just, please,give us two days
to make back the money we needto get out from under this,
and we will stop.
You have my word.
Fine. But no more pushing iton little kids, you got that?
Okay. I'll focus my marketinganother direction.
Thank you, Kyle.
[ Engine shuts off ]
What ya doin', Joe?
Oh, hey, Randy!We, uh, we sold the farm.
Just like that, huh?
You gonna let those peoplewith pussy sticks
take over everything?
Yeah.They paid us great!
My wife and I are gonna moveto Maui!
Well, I hope you didn'tpack your tegridy.
'Cause clearly...your tegridy ain't goin'.
[ Door creaks ]
Are you still here?
I-I didn't knowchickens wore suspenders.
[ Exaggerated yawn ]Man, am I feeling tired!
All this hard workat school?
Yeah! I wish I hada little pick-me-up!
Something fresh and fruityto go with my lunch!
Just stop. It's so obviouswhat you guys are doing.
It sounds so great right now!
Can anyone help with somefun, fruity flavors?
[ Rumbling, cement crumbling ]
Hey, guys,it's the Vaping Man!
What are you doing here,Vaping Man?
I'm here to offermy fun, fruity flavors
in a refreshing mist.
Vaping?Hey, that's bad for you.
Vaping's onlyfor cool kids.
Can I talk to youfor a second?
Sure, Kyle.What is this about?
Can I talk to youover here?
Well, of course.
What did I say about pushing iton little kids?
How is this pushing iton little kids, Kyle?
Fun, fruity Vaping Man?!
Kyle, we have to make the moneyto pay off our dealer.
How else are we supposedto do it?
All right, how muchdo you owe the dealer?
Isn't this great, Stan?
Living off the land.
No, it sucks.I hate this.
I wanna go back home.
Well, you see that?We're talkin' now.
When was the last timewe really talked like this?
I hate you so much.
I think we're havinga breakthrough moment.
I want to giveyou something, son.
Something I madethat I want you to have.
It's a hemp hat.No.
Come on.Let's just see how it fits.
Here just -- just look.Just try it.
[ Spin Doctors' "Two Princes"plays ]♪ One, two princes kneelbefore you ♪
♪ One, two Whoa.
♪ Princes kneel before you
♪ That's what I said, now
[ Cash register dings ]There you go,
and thanks for shoppingat Big Vape.
[ Door buzzes,doorbell jingles ]
Cartman: That's him.
That's my guy.
There you are.You got my money?
Look, my friendis very stupid
and should have never goneinto business with you.
Who are you?
I'm just seeing if I canhelp settle things.
You probablydon't realize it,
but vaping is a really bigproblem at our school.
Look, I'm just fillinga job
that somebody elsewould fill, all right?
Okay, look,this is the money I've saved up
from my pastthree birthdays.
Can we call this evenand end it?
Aw, come on, man.
I don't want to takeyour birthday money.
Why is therea dead hooker next to you?
Dude, that is a dead hooker.What are you doing with it?
I'm calling the cops!
You just putthat dead hooker there.
Cartman,what are you doing?
There's a dead hookerat the vape store!
[ Siren wails ]Get the vaporizersand the cash!
Get the cash, Kyle!
W-What --What are you doing?
Just get the --Oh, shit! Ronan Farrow!What?!
Cartman get the stuffand the cash!
Ronan Farrow, Kyle!We got to get out of here!
And may we always keepour tegridy.
So, how waseveryone's day?
Uh, well, not great.
Uh, Stan got caughtwith a vaping pen.
With a what?!
You know, those little
pen and cartridge thingswith the mist?
Stan had a vape pen?
You had a fucking vaping--Get up to your room right now!
Way to underreact,Sharon!
Where did you get this?
It's not mine.I took it from a kindergartner.
My own sonusing a pussy stick.
Don't you know what these thingsare doing to our way of life?
I've had enough!
What are you gonna do?
You think I'm just gonnastand around
while they destroymy family?
We've workedthis farm and this land
for over four days.
I'm not about to letsome vape queens
take it all awayfrom us.
[ Knock on door ]
Oh, hello, Kyle!
Mr. Mackey, I needto talk to you
about some thingsgoing on at school.
Oh, hi, Kyle!
We were just talkingto the counselor
about some collegeopportunities.
What are you doing here?
You know what I'm doing here!
Okay, well, we reallyshould talk first, Kyle.No.
Mr. Mackey, there'sa big operation goingon at the school.
Kyle, things have changed.You need to listen.
Things are gettingout of control...Kyle, Kyle, just one minute.You want to hear this.
...and you need to knowwhat's going on!You need to hear this!
What?!We'll be right back,Mr. Mackey.
Let go of me!
Kyle, listen.It's bad.
The guy we tried to frameat the vape shop.
He was the one whothe sixth gradersgot their shit from.
The sixth gradersare pissed at us, Kyle.
We have to breakinto the vape shop
and steal enough stuff to makethe sixth graders happy.
You guys decidedto beat up the dealer.
Yeah, but the sixth gradersknow you were there!How?
'Cause Erictold them!
We are all in thistogether, Kyle!
We got to robthe vape shop,
and then we can put thisall behind us.
Please, Kyle, we still gotto pay people off.
[ Rumbling ]
Hey, bitches!Where's my mother fuckin' money?
[ Robert Tepper's"No Easy Way Out" plays ]
♪ We're not indestructible
♪ Baby,better get that straight ♪
♪ I think it's unbelievable
♪ How you give into the hands of fate ♪
[ "Two Princes" plays ]♪ One, two, princeskneel before you ♪
♪ That's what I said
[ Music stops,crickets chirping ]
Randy,where are you going?
Gonna go fightfor my children's future.
[ Tractor engine rumbling ]
[ Engine shuts off ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
All right, you bunchof vape-smoking pussies.
[ Conversations stop ]
You try and take my way of life?
Time to show you some tegridy.
[ "Two Princes" resumes ]Yeah!
Get your stupid mistout of my fucking face!
Hey!I like to vape.
You think I'm a pussy?
Wow. You're so smart to thinkof a siphon, Kyle!
Just shut upand keep pumping.
What are you kids doing?
You little hoodlumsbreak in through the window?
I ought to breakyour little legs!
I don't think so.
Just what the Sam hellyou boys doing here?
All right, listen.
I should have talkedto an adult from the beginning.
Kyle,what are you doing?
There are these three big vapingsyndicates at our school,
and these guysare one of them.Kyle, no, no, no, no.
They had someone buying stufffrom here for them,
and then they sold it to kids.
Okay, Kyle,I'm calling Ronan Farrow.
The sixth graders, these guys,and Becky Thompson
are all at each otherfor control of the playground.
Hello, Ronan?Eric Cartman. Yeah, hey.
I was going to tell an adult,but these guys said they'd stop.
So, you know Kyle? Yeah, well,you're right about him.
It's goodyou came clean, son.
It showsthat you've got --
[ Slow-mo scream ]
Didn't your mommyteach you
it doesn't payto mess with progress?
Yeah. She taught mesomethin' else, too.
If you're gonna fightfor your tegridy,
don't forgetto bring a towel.
Vape on this, bitch!
[ Muffled screams ]
Yeah![ Grunting ]
Take that, stupid vaping!
[ Body thuds ]
[ Valves squeak, mist hisses ]
Move it, boys!Come on! Go, go, go!
[ Rumbling ]
[ Mist hisses ]
[ People screaming ]
[ Glass shatters ]
[ Explosion ]
Does this mean we're outof the vaping business, fellas?
♪ It's in you
♪ It's in me
♪ A little somethin'called Tegridy ♪
Looks like we made itto another sunrise.
Oh, God. This is just gonnaget worse, isn't it?
Yup, son. I think the fight'sjust startin'.
Farmers like usare under attack.
Yupper.We gots a lot of work to do.
We can't let 'em takewhat makes us special.
Tegridy Weed from Tegridy Farms.
Made with a little Colorado tegridy.
Comin' soon to a dispensary near you.
Randy moves the family to the country and he takes up farming.