♪ I want candy
♪ I want candy
What time are the other guysgetting there?
Everyone just said sundown,which should be soon.
♪ I want candy ♪ I want candy
♪ I want candy
[ Horn honks ] ♪ I want candy
♪ I want candy
Lookin' good, Ryan!
Yeah, I got a real capethis year.
Check it out!
Hey, Sharon, did you seethe box of Jack Daniels?
Oh, no. You're notdoing this again.
What do you mean?Of course I am.
Stan wanted us to take himto the pumpkin patch.
Sharon, you knowthe week leading up to Halloween
is always my Witch Party Weekwith the guys.
Yeah, and you guysget wasted.
We have some drinks.
Come on.All the other guys' wives
aren't being bitchyabout it.
♪♪[ Horn honks ]
All right!Randy's got the J.D.!
Yep. Who's gotthe other stuff?
Kevin sayshe's bringing it.
[ Chuckles ]
[ All chuckling ]
[ Quietly ] Come on.Come on.
[ Normal voice ] Sweetheart,can we get going, please?
Heidi:Hang on, babe!
Just a couplemore things.
Honey, the pumpkin patchopened like an hour ago
and 'member howI was saying
I want to get there early?
What do you think?
Great. Perfect. Let's goto the pumpkin patch.
Yup! Almost ready.
Okay, spideror the bat?
The spider's great.
Really? 'Cause I thinkI like the bat.
[ Quietly ] Why does shedo this every time?
What, babe?[ Normal voice ]I said it's time --
Boy, look at the time.'Kay, all set!
'Kay, here we go, goingto the pumpkin patch.
Okay! Oh! I forgotmy glitter lip gloss!
You don't needglitter lip gloss!
Eric, are you upset?
Do you need to talkabout something?
No! No, we don'tneed to talk!
I'm super happy!
Hang on,I got to pee.
Cool. You got to pee again.Awesome.
[ Chuckles ] Yeah, right.
We're gonna missthe first night of the party.
'Sup, Steven, Chip.
Just ready toparty farty, witches.
Well, I got the Jack.
And I gotthe crack!
Oh, yeah! Jack and CrackWitch Week.
Let's do this!
Everybodyup the hill!
All:♪ Everybody have fun tonight
♪ Jack and CrackWitch Week tonight ♪
Thanks for takingthe kids out, Ms. Cartman.
Heidi's beenlooking forward to it.
Oh, yes, my little Ericjust loves the pumpkin patch.
It's one of his favorite eventsof the year!
Okay, come on!Let's go!
All right.You kids all ready?
Yup, all setto go to the pumpkin patch.
It's been openfor over an hour now!
Oh, don't youlook cute, Heidi!
Awesome. Here we go.Heading out now.
Hold on, Eric.I want a picture.
No. Pumpkin patchis gonnaWill you takea picture, Dad?
See, all the best pumpkinsget taken, and then --
Okay. Come on.Here we go, going out the door.
Bye, Daddy!Love you!
'Kay, here we goto the pumpkin patch!
Oh, crap. Hang on.I forgot my bracelet!
Oh, my [bleep] God.
Eric, potty mouth.
[ Sighs ]
All: [ Chanting ]Put a spell on our bosses,put a spell on our wives.
A hex on the Patriots,let's [bleep] up their lives!
And screwthe Raiders, too!
[ Cheering,indistinct chatter ]
[ Chuckles ] No way!
Check out Stephen,you guys!
[ Chuckles ]Happy Witch Week!
[ Grunts ]
[ Chuckling ]
Hey, hey![ Music stops ]
You guys want to seesome real witchcraft?
[ Laughter ]
I mean it!
I got this spell booklast month.
Got it inSalem, Massachusetts.
They say it's real.
Like from the devil himself.
[ Thunder crashes ]
You guys want to try it?
Hey!Wait up, babe.
Hey, whereyou been, Eric?!
Oh, boy! Whata great time that was!
Thanks for coming,kids.
Oh, you justgetting here?
Yes, we arejust getting here.
Okay, go on in, I suppose.Petting zoo's closed,
and I think they stoppedthe churro machine.
The petting zoo's cl--The petting zoo is closed?
Yeah, you can still maybedo the bouncy house.
Come on, babe!
[ Sighs ]
Oh, hey.Didn't see you there.
Did you hear anythingabout what happened last night?
Your buddy, Chip Duncan?
Apparently he flew aroundon a broom,
blew things upand kidnapped some children.
Are you serious?!
You heard nothingabout this?!
He flew away vowing we'dall be dead by Halloween.
God, I knew that guywas a [bleep] chode.
Randy, what did you guys doat that party?
We were just hangin' outand talkin' and stuff,
and then Chipgot all weird.
People were hurt!
Yeah, I agree --it's awful!
We're not like Chip, okay?He's a bad witch!
Yeah, it wasterrifying.
She had a broomand a cackle and everything.
What are wegonna do, guys?
Our parents are nevergonna let us trick-or-treat
with a witchflying around!
They say she blew upthe pumpkin patch.
Did any of you guyssee that?
No, I missedthe whole thing.
I always try to get to thepumpkin patch really early.
Yeah, I got thereearly, too.
You get the best pumpkinsthat way.
Anyways, I guess the witchdestroyed the whole thing.
Stan: We got to take mattersinto our own hands.None of us are safe.
Yeah, but whatare we gonna do?
Kyle: No, we got to just hopethe police will handle it.
Yeah right, like they'llhandle anything.
Stan's right.This might fall on us.
Yeah, we got tosave Halloween.
Don't youthink so, Eric?
We got to do somethingto get rid of her!
Yes.You're right, guys.
It's my only way out.
Where do you think you're going?
What do you mean?
It's day two of Witch Weekwith the guys.
You can't possibly beconsidering doing this again!
Randy a real with isflying around in thesky snatching children!
I don't thinkthis is the best time
for you to be wearinga witch costume and partying.
Ugh. Gah! Just becauseof one bad witch,
we're supposedto stop a tradition
that goes backtwenty-some-odd years?!
You know, just gettinga bunch of shit
for being witches.
I know, right?!
It's like there'sone awful witch
who wantsto kill everybody,
so now they're coming afterall of us!
This is likea witch...thingie.
It's like a witchpursuit thingie!
It's a witchchase and shoot 'em up!
Yeah, that'swhat it is!
Hey, what the hellis this?
Randy: Park closeduntil further notice.
Oh, my God!
They can't do this.
The whole town really ison a witch pursuit thing.
[ Laughs evilly ]
[ Woman screams ]
[ Laughs evilly ]
[ Screaming ]
Check this out,you guys.
It says thatto destroy a witch,
you need bent pits,nine in all,
each bent into an "L" shape.
What are bent pits?
Hey, guys!I think I got it figured out!
I knew Eric would come upwith a plan!
Okay, first of all,we need a scary place
to lure her into.
What is the creepiest placein town?
Ross Dress for Less.That's right.
Stan and Kyle will wait insidethe Ross Dress for Less
and I willbring Heidi there.
Once inside,Kenny and Butters
will set off a seriesof explosions that will --
Wait, wait, wait,wait. What the [bleep]are you talking about?
This is how we're goingto get rid of Heidi.
Nobody's talking aboutgetting rid of Heidi!
You guys said you would help meget rid of her!
Of the witch!
Who cares about a witch?!
My life is a living hell,you guys!
Then break up with her!
You clearly can't stand her.Let the poor girl go!
I've tried!It's impossible!
Heidi's a nice girl.How can you be so awful to her?!
You don't understand.She has no time-managementskills whatsoever.
You don't know 'cause you'venever had a girlfriend, Kyle!
Fine.Just leave me to suffer.
Next time you want meto kill someone for you,
just forget about it.
I know that you areall concerned about the witch
who is preying upon our town.
And I want to speak to you all
about how to tryand protect yourselves.
some gentlemenhave asked to speak
on what they perceive to bea "witch pursuit thing."
Oh, wait, I'm supposedto be actually over --
Yeah, you go overthere, Stewart.
Right, right,right, right.
All: ♪ We're allon the same side, you and I ♪
♪ Let's all stick togetha,let's try ♪
♪ When things are going bad
♪ And there's peopleyou need to confront ♪
♪ Just be sure it doesn't turninto a witch pursuit thing ♪
[ Others vocalizing ]Hey, guys. There's good witchesand there's bad witches,
And we stand with you
in saying this particular witchneeds to be brought down.
But that doesn't meanwe should all be closing parks
And stoppingall witch activity because --
All: ♪ Let's not turn thisinto a witch pursuit thing ♪
Dad, get outta here!
We're trying to dealwith an actual witch.
Nobody's coming after you!
Yes, they are, boys!
And nextthey'll be coming after you!
'Cause you're alllittle sons a witches.
Right,you don't have to worry
about us going aroundsnatching children.
Only the other witchdoes that.
Hey, babe.Oh, hey, Eric.
Listen, there's a big funcostume party tonight
and I was thinkingyou and me should go.
What do you say?
A costume party?With everything that's going on?
Yeah, I just think, you know,we need to let off some steam
and have a little Halloween fun,you know?
I already have our costumespicked out.
Cool, I'll come pick you upat 5:00!
Well, maybe make it 4:30if you're bringing the costumes.
I might need a little extra timeto get ready.
Oh, I'm counting on it.
Randy, can I talk to you?
I've been doinga lot of thinking, Randy.
About the past.About what we've done.
I thinkit's time we come clean
and tell everyoneabout the crack.
And the spellsagainst our wives.
Okay, look,you're freaked out.
I have to admitwhat I've done wrong, Randy!
I feel likeeverything's crashing down
and I want Linda to hear itfrom me first.
Okay, we smokeda little crack --
we put harmless spellson our wives.
We werejust messing around.
It was harmless fun!
Or did we close our eyes towhat Chip Duncan was becoming?
Stephen, you can't turnon your own kind.
That's what thesewitch pursuit thingies do, okay?
They make everyone go crazy.
I'm sorry, Randy.
I have to clearmy conscience.
[ Sighs ]All right, Stephen.
At least give ustill tomorrow morning
to talk to our wivesand prepare them, all right?
Can you just give ustill morning?
It's okay. It's okay.
Hey, it's Randy.
We've got untiltomorrow morning
to sacrifice Stephento the devil.
I'll explain later,just get everyone together.
And maybe bringjust a little bit of crack.
[ Owl hoots ]
[ Wings flutter ]
Don't you think we should stayon the main roads, Eric?
This seems likea bad place to be right now.
Don't worry Heidi, this isthe fastest way to the party.
I'm sure the witchwon't even notice us!
[ Bird screeches ]
Eric, come on,this is a bad idea.
Let's turn around.
Well, Heidi,if we'd been on time
we wouldn't needto take a short cut,
but I wanted to give youyour space to get ready.
Is thatwhat this is about?
You're still mad aboutthe pumpkin patch, aren't you?
Why would I be mad?
You wanted to make sureyou looked right
and then had to eatand use the bathroom 40 times.
I can't blame you for missingthe pumpkin patch.
I didn't use the bathroom40 times!
[ Evil laughter ]
What was that!?
[ Leaves rustle ]
Eric! Did you hear that?!
Oh, my God!Eric, are you okay?!
Well, well,what have we here?
Sweet. Come on...Come on...
No.I don't know where he is.
We can't find our dadseither!
Yeah, and it turns outour dads and the bad witch
were all partof the same witch group!We asked our moms,
and they said this has beengoing on for years.
We gotta find them beforesomething even stupider happens.
How are we gonna do that?!There's another guy.
Someone else who wasin the witch's club
but hasn't been aroundfor a while.Who?
you have an urgent callfrom a Butters Stotch.
Butters?What's he want?
This is the President.
Oh, uh, hello,Mr. President, how are you?
Butter him up,Butters.
How -- How is runningthe country goin'?
Oh, it's fine. You know, justmaking the country great again.
Did you get rid of allthe immigrants like you said?
I got rid of, like,six of 'em so far...
You know it's little harderthan I thought.
Cool, and did you build thatbig wall you were gonna build?
Don't be a dick, Butters.
Are you just callingto shit on my Halloween?
No, sir!I -- Well, the thing is --
Didn't you used to do J and CWitch Week with our dads?
Yeah, it wasmy favorite time of year.
Now I just have tocelebrate it alone.
Well, the thing is,Mr. President,
one of the guys did a spell
and took a bunch of childrenand he's gonna eat 'em all.
Lemme guess --Chip Duncan.
Oh, that guywas always such a douche.
Mr. President,please, you gotta help.
Our dads can't do anything'cause they're scared
people are comingafter all witches.
Coming after all witches?!
So you were therewhen witch showed up
and took your girlfriend?
Yes, it just cameoutta nowhere.
I tried to save Heidi,but it was too late.
What was your girlfriendwearing?
She was dressed kinda like me
but had a simpleMunich dirndl from Germany.
And you didn't stop at all
to think that what you weredoing might attract the witch?
Are you actually tryingto blame the victim here?!
I'm just saying that ifthere's a big fat witch around,
maybe you shouldn'twalk through the woods
dressedas Hansel and Gretel.
Whoa, whoa. Not cool, Rick.Not cool!
I will have your badge, sir!
Sorry, folks, sorry.
Detective! Detective!Call just came in.
The witch has been spottedat Ross Dress for Less!
Everyone toRoss Dress for Less now!
What's this all about?
Oh, hey.What are we meeting here for?
It's too late, Stephen.We called the police.
We knowyou took those children.
What?!What -- What are you doing?
[ Sirens wailing ]Here he is, everybody!
Stephen's a bad witch!
We're putting a stop to you,Stephen!
Because that'swhat good witches do!
Oh, my God.I see what this is.
This witch pursuit thing has youon a witch pursuit thing now!
[ Sirens chirp ]
[ Tires screech ]
I'm innocent! Please!
It's over, Stotch!
What have you donewith the children?
No, don't you see?!
They're just doing their ownwitch pursuit thingy now.
This is madness!
[ Evil laughter ]
Hey, wassup, bros?
Chip, do you seeall the chaos you've caused?
Yeah, so? I'm a witch.
[ Scoffs ]You understand
everyone associates uswith you, right?
Of course they do.You're all witches too, dudes!
Not like you!
What'd you dowith the children?
They're all in here!See?
Children: Daddy! Mommy! Daddy![ Screaming ]
I'm going to use their soulsto increase my power!
[ Airplane whirring ]
Look! Another witchis flying down now!
[ "Hail to the Chief" plays ]
I guess our witches were gonnasacrifice your witch,
but then the bad witchshowed up and now the witchwe called just arrived!
There's witches everywhere!Holy moly!
Look, Chip, if we had knownyou were gonna hurt people
we would havenever even hung out.
Oh, gimme a break, Randy.No, seriously.
Like if one of you guyshad the power I have
you wouldn't use it.
Excuse me -- Chip whatthe [bleep] are you doing?
Oh, hey, man!
You're ruining the partyfor everyone, Chip,
I'm here to take you out.
[ Laughs evilly ]
You'll never stop me!
I grow more powerfulevery moment!
You wanna see real power?
All right, take the shot.
[ Beeping ]
[ Zap! ]
[ Cheering ]
Is that all of em?
There's one morelittle girl!
Come on out,little girl!
Heidi:Okay! Just a second!
Come on little girl,everyone's waitin' on ya.
Okay! Almost ready.Hang on.
[ Sighs ]It's gonna be a while.
Well, we did it guys!
Everyone'll be stokedon us now!
Hey! And there's stilla few nights left
of Jack and CrackWitch Week!
Everybody follow me!
I've got tons of Jack,tons of crack, and a jet!
[ Cheering ]
-Party's back on!-We did it, guys!
Don't wait up, Sharon!
I'm gonna party withEl Presidente.
Yeah, no, I've been readyfor a couple hours now.
Cool, I just wanna put onsome lip gloss.
Do these stockings gowith this outfit?
I thought maybeI should use the red ones...
Is it cold out?
You think I should puta hoodie on over this?
Nah, covers up my costumetoo much, don't you think?
Okay, all ready.
Oh, wait! Hang on.
I can't decide if I shouldwear leggings or not.
Is it gonna be cold?Should I just --
Sons A Witches
At the annual Halloween get together, a witch casts a spell that terrorizes everyone in South Park.