Mr. President,The Russians are scrambling
bombersto attack Denmark.
NATO wants to knowhow we intend to stop them.
Mr. President.Mr. President, you can't
just sit therewith your stank face.
The Troll Trace websiteis set to go online
in lessthan 15 minutes!
The world isin complete chaos!
Sir! Someone is leadinga coordinated cyber strike
on the Troll Trace website.
A cyber attack?Well, that's good.
Where's it coming from?
Could be Russian.We don't know.
Whoever this troll is, he'spretty [bleep] hard-core, sir.
[ Music by Boston playing ]
Okay, okay. Token.Token, are you there?
I'm here.What's this about, Kyle?
I can't tell you, dude.I just need your help.
Please,my life depends on it.
Okay, okay, sure.
All right,I need you to tell me
the worst thing I can sayon a United Negro College Fund
website to piss offblack people.
Token, please!There's no time to explain!
Beyoncé ain't nothingbut a Taylor Swift rip-off.
That helps.Thank you!
[ Beep ]Tweak, Craig, I need you
to get on the GLADD websiteand respond
to all the horrible shitI just said about gay people.
Why'd you day horrible shitabout gay people?
It's not important.Just get on it and respond.
[ Ringing ]Hang on.
Dude, I needeverybody online, now!
For what?There's no time to explain.
You've got to go outand get everybody.
Tell them to geton their computers. Go!Okay!
[ Beeps ]Jimmy, what'sthe worst possible thing
we can say on a websitefor handicapped Syrian refugees?
W-W-Waddle back to Syria,desert-tard?
[ Doorknob rattlingand pounding on door ]
Sheila: You boys better not beon that computer!
I'll make you pay for this!
You locked your motherin the pantry?!
I'll lock youin your rooms forever!
♪ Give you up
♪ Never gonna give,never gonna give ♪
♪ Give you up
♪ We've known each oth--
[ Static ]
Skankhunt,can you hear me?
Yes!Yes, where are you?
The troll locked usin the control room
with his Danish workers.
How long before the websitegoes online?
Less than 10 minutes.
Skankhunt,the Troll Trace servers
monitor and catalogue outrageand hate on the Internet.
There's a troll out theretrying to overload them
by generating tons of hate.
Skank, whoever's doing itis doing it from your account.
Yeah, he's pissing offa lot of people.
That's my boy!
and very easyto produce.
It's the most massiveenergy source of its size
we've ever seen.
We've done it, Elon.
With this type of energy, we caneasily get mankind to Mars.
This is amazing!
And it's all thanks to you,little girl.
How did you get to beso smart?
I just...have a boyfriendwho really supports me.
Well, come on.
I want to knoweverything about you.
Conniving...snakes in the grass.
All of them.Yep.
We have to tell someonethe truth, Butters.
Are you sure aboutwhat's going to happen on Mars?
It's all beenleading up to this.
We've just been too blindto see it before.
Hey, you guys need anything?Water? Soda?
Maybe just a moment alone...to talk.
S-Sure. About what?
The end of our species.
Kevin, are you there?Kenny?
Yeah, I-I typed ineverything you told me to.
Mrph rmhmhm rm!Mrph rmphm?
Kyle!I'm gonna help, too!
No, Ike! So far,the only thing you've done
has beenfrom dad's account.
I need youto stay clean.
No trolling, okay?
You can just help mewith what I should say.
Hello?Can you hear me?
This isDildo Shwaggins.Who are you?
I'm a colleagueof your father's.
We see what you're trying to do,and we're gonna help.
We trolled with your father.Now we will troll with you.
Son, you need to know that yourfather is very proud of you.
He was the bestat Trevor's Axiom.
He believes you can be, too.
What the hellis Trevor's Axiom?
Trevor's Axiom is a well-knownequation in online trolling.
It's a wayin which one person
can create a massive reactionon the Internet.
Look -- person "A"trolls person "B."
But it's notabout person "B."
The troll is tryingto push buttons
to try and get a reactionfrom hundreds,
eventually creatingperson "C,"
who's overreactionand self-righteousness
will elicit a reactionfrom persons "D" through "F,"
who weren't trolls butcan't help rip on person "C."
Their reactions lead to outragedpersons "G" through "N,"
and it keeps going,generating massive energy.
It's like the fission reaction
that leadsto a fusion explosion,
all bringing outthe worst in humanity.
Huh. That sort of sounds likehow I got elected.
And if this kind of overreactioncan be amplified
throughthe Pentagon's servers...
It could blow outthe Internet
before Troll Traceever does substantial damage.
Gentlemen, get me in contactwith that troll.
This whole thinghas to be stopped.
We can't go to Mars.
You keep saying that,but not why.
Because Eric knowsthe future.
What are you talking about?
I've had visions of Marsfor the past few months.
I'm a visionary.
That's why I came here,why I brought her.
But the visions weren't completeuntil recently.
I know what happens on Mars.
At first, you'll be super-happy,bouncing around the red sand.
Everyone will bereally nice.
Cartman:You'll think the rover cars
and roller coastersare really cool.
But then you'llrealize something --
The other colonistsall seem to be women.
Hmm. Let's see.
And then you'll start to wonder,"Where are all the guys?"
[ Whispering ]Look underground.
And soon you'll realizethere's areas
you didn't understandthe purpose for.
What is this place?
And that's whenyou'll learn the truth.
Men have beenforced underground,
deemed useless by women.
They are minedfor the only things
women still need us for --our semen and our jokes.
[ Bell dings ]
You're just as funny as us.You don't need to do this!
No. [ Whimpers ]No.
And you'll be trappeddown there forever,
in the cum and joke minesof Mars.
That's --That's ridiculous.
Why would womenneed us to do that?
They'rejust as funny as men.
If there's evena little part of you
that doesn't really believe that,
then think aboutwhat else has to be going on.
[ Whispering ] You have tohelp us stop this.
[ Buzzes ]
[ Beeping ]
[ Buzzes ]Ah! God damn it!
Skank!You still there?
Yeah, I'm here.
The servers arestarting to heat up,
but the Danish saythere are breakers
that will neverlet them overload.
You got to climb up the buildingand shut off those breakers.
I can't go anywhere. I'm lockedin the conference room.
Oh, the key code tothe conference room is 9...
That's it. 9.
Oh, for [bleep] sake!
[ Beeps ]
You better runif I get out of here!
You better praythat I -- Ah!
[ Grunting ]
[ Yelling ]
[ Panting ]
[ Yells ]
Slapperman: Skank.Skankhunt, are you there yet?
Yeah, I'm upwith all the servers.
The first breakershould be there.
Tell him to lookfor a large red lever.
Skank, do you seea large red lever?
Yeah, I got it!
Flip it off.
[ Alarm blaring ]
That's good.Keep going, Skankhunt.
You are alldumbass [bleep]wads.
Lick my asshole,you Mexican bitch.
You darelock me in the pantry
so you can playon your computer?!
You're gonna payfor what you've done!
Mommy got out!
[ Panting ]You!
You helped makeyour brother this way!
Mom, there's beena mistake.
Ike isn'tthe school troll.
We're tryingto help the --
Shut up! Not another wordfrom either of you.
You're both groundedfrom the computer...forever!
Mom, please,you got to listen to me.
Ike is innocent.
Do you thinkI'm stupid?!
No, Mom, you justdon't know everything.
You both march out of hereright now!
I'm sorry, Mom. I'm just tryingto protect my family.
Look, Elon,I'm just saying
before we goany further,
you might wantto hear this kid out.
Go on.Tell Elon.
Elon, I know you've dreamtof mankind getting to Mars,
but it's not going to bevery kind to man.
They're going toput us underground.
What's the one thingwomen don't have?
Semen anda sense of humor.
That's two things.
They're pretty related.
Women don't need usfor comedy.
They can bejust as funny as men.
You should meetmy girlfriend.
She's really smartand really funny.
Oh, Christ, Elon.
I used to thinkwomen were funny, too,
but Erictalked me out of it.
It's somethingthey do to our brains.
They attract uslike flies to the spider web.
And then they make you think
they're really smart,really funny.
But they're onlyreally smart, Elon.
They can livewithout us.
We can't livewithout them.
If even 1/16th of you
believes women might not beas funny as men, Elon --
You fat hooker.
You fat hooker.
Ike, when thisis all over,
we're gonna needto clean your mouth out.
You clean your[bleep] mouth out.
Stan!You still haven't found Butters?
Dude, I need his hatredtowards women right now.
Dude, he's not around anywhere.He must be out of town.
[ Ringing ]Hold on.
Oh, hey, Mr. President.
Kyle, you're the trollwho started all this?
Uh...what do you mean?
Don't worry.Your secret's safe with me.
So long as you keep doingwhat you're doing.
The American governmentis behind you.
Keep up the good work.
We're gonna takethat big shitstorm of hate
you're creatingand amplify it.
We'll try to createenough energy
to blow upthe whole [bleep] Internet.
You're doing God's work, son.Keep it up.
[ Danish music playing ]
Oh, no, you don't.
Laura, have my boyscome to see Craig?
They're hiding from me.
[ Sobbing ]
The son of a bitch.
He's such a bastard!
When you marry someoneand you think you know them...
I don't knowwhat you're talking about.
Troll Trace.It's up and running.
It can tell youanybody's Internet history.
I couldn't resist.
I looked up my husband.
The websites he's visitedare just...disgusting!
May I use this a moment?
Sure.Type in any name.
It'll show you everythingthey've ever done online.
Be careful.You might not like what you see.
[ Keyboard clacking ]
[ Beeping ]
I can't live without Heidi.I know I'll be miserable.
But I also can't live on the cumand joke mines of Mars.
Gee, I don't knowwhat to tell you, buddy.
If I stay on Earthwhere the Internet is,
Heidi finds out I knowwomen aren't actually funny.
And if I go to Mars,I get milked like a goat.
[ Cellphone rings ]
Butters,where the [bleep] are you?!
Well, I'm at SpaceX.Where are you?
Well, we sort of createdthis ginormic energy source,
but now we're trying tofigure out what to do with it.
Like...how ginormicof an energy source?
Like enoughto get humanity to Mars.
Is that Kyle?
Kyle, do you mind?
I'm having really biggirl problems right now.
Cartman, I think we mightbe able to help each other.
I think so.
I-I'm up onsome kind of bridgeway.
The last breakershould be there.
Headed to it now.
I'm 10 steps ahead of you.
What's the matter, Skankhunt?
You just can't standto be outdone, huh?
[ Crashing ]
Get out of my way.What you're doing is wrong!
[ Chuckles ]What I'm doing is wrong?
How is getting millionsof people to kill themselves
different from gettingone person to?
It's completely heartlessand malicious.
You can honestly stand there,as a troll,
and tell me what I'm doingisn't hilarious?
Hacking the world to show
that most peopleact differently online
isn't eventechnically satirical.
How is itnot satirical?
[ Crashing, metal creaking ]
[ Keyboard clacking ]
There's nothing here.
Maybe Kyle wastelling the truth.
I think my boyswere being honest with me.
I accused Ike of -- of --I can't really say,
but this thing sayshe's clean.
I got to find my boys, Laura.Thank you so much.
It's not our kidswe have to worry about.
My husband was on threemarried-but-dating websites.
He looked at porn 4,000 timesin one month!
Aren't you curiouswhat your husband does? Huh?
Sure he doesn't haveany girlfriends?
No, I-I have to respectGerald's privacy.
Sure, yeah. Respect.
Nice of youto give him that.
Come on. You really thinkyou can resist the urge
to type in his name...just for a quick little look?
There's nothing morewe can do.
Nearly everyoneis online,
and we've divertedall the power we can.
Mr. President,Troll Trace has been online
for almost 15 minutes now.It's too late.
We need to get youdown to the bunker.
Oh, I've got a bunker?Well, that's good.
Mr. President, we havean urgent call from Kyle.
Sorry, Kyle.Looks like it's not gonna work.
Mr. Garrison, I might havejust found a lot more energy.
Is there any way the Pentagoncan connect to SpaceX?
SpaceX?What the [bleep] is that?
You know, the company tryingto find new forms of energy,
create jobs,and get mankind to Mars.
Okay, that's dumb,but go on.
[ Crashing ]
Okay, okay, look.
What you're doing is justtrying to prove that everyone is
either a bad personor a snoop, right?
So, how is that funny?
That's not what I'm doing.
I'm showing everyonethat all this stuff
they freak out overdoesn't even matter.
No, but see,that's just nihilism.
Oh, come on!
So -- So, wait.
If you do some big, outrageous,offensive thing
with a positive attitude,you're a satirist,
but if you're cynical about it,then you're a nihilist?
[ Explosion, crashing ]
You're tryingto get people
to go to warand kill each other.
So, maybe this is like the newpost-funny era of satire.
[ Crashing ]
Cartman:Attention, all SpaceX employees.
Please evacuatethe building immediately.
We've just receiveda bomb threat from NASA.
This is not a drill.
The NASA terroristsare super-jelly of us.
Please quietly and calmlyfind the nearest exit
and get the [bleep] outas fast as you can.
Oh, hey, babe.Wh-What's up?
There'sa bomb threat?
Oh, yeah.I was just, um --
They told meon the stifernisy thing.
It was spinning.
Come on.We better get out.
Babe,is everything okay?
You seem...distant lately.
Distant? Really?Oh, my God. I-I'm sorry.
Did Ido something wrong?
No. No, Heidi.Why would you think that?
You don't really talk to methe same way you used to.
Oh, God.I'm sounding needy, huh?
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.Yeah, go on.
Eric, I just -- I hopeyou're always honest with me,
even if you thinkit might hurt my feelings.
Heidi, I'll always dowhat's best for both of us.
Now, come on.We got to get outside.
I shouldn't do this.
I can't argue with youanymore.
I want to stand hereand tell you
that you and I are different,but it's not true.
All we've been doingis making excuses
for beinghorrible people.
I don't know if you tried toteach me a lesson, but you have.
I have to stand hereand look at you,
and all I see is a big,fat reflection of myself.
With onlyone minor difference.
[ Grunts ]
What I do is [bleep] funny,bitch!
[ Alarm blaring ]
That's it!Your dad's got it!
Give iteverything you've got!
Mr. President, do it!
Reroute the Internetthrough SpaceX!
[ Whirring and beeping ]
[ Beeping ]
[ Static, shatter ]
[ Shatter ]
[ Shatter ]
[ Shattering ]
[ Beeping ]
What the hell just happened?
[ People screaming ]
Well, looks likeyou're gonna have to
kind of start over,huh, Elon?
Maybe you should just go backto your little cars, huh?
Wow, babe.Looks like all our dreams
are kind of on holdfor a while, huh?
Yeah, well,some people's dreams
are other people'snightmares.
Well,what do you mean?
It was a joke.
Kyle: And so, life goes on.
The end of civilizationdidn't happen.
A massive electric pulsecompletely erased the Internet.
We've been givena second chance.
Anything we might be ashamed of,gone forever.
Maybe now boys and girls
can learnto respect each other again.
Realize how carefulour online lives have to be.
Because we've all seenwhat happens when the Twitters,
Facebooks, and trollsdecide our reality.
Now that we've been giventhis second chance,
it's up to all of usto see what we do with it.
And the first new e-mailsince the Internet was erased
successfully went outat 6:00 a.m. today.
The honor went to a Mr. DaveBeckett of Boca Raton, Florida.
Mr. Beckett, you had the honorof being the first person
to socializeon the new Internet.
Can you tell us what you did?
Well, I sent an e-mailwith a photo
to my old friend Thomas Wingerup in Connecticut.
And what did you sayto Mr. Winger?
I showed him my dick,called him a fag.
The End of Serialization As We Know It
Cartman finally understands why Heidi wants to get him to Mars.