- PASSENGERS SAIDTHE CARNIVAL CRUISE LINE
SMELLED LIKE POOP,
BUT THATTHAT WAS AN IMPROVEMENT.
- [yawns] ALL RIGHT,IT'S LATE.
I'M GONNA CALL IT A NIGHT.YOU COMING?
- OH, YOU KNOW,I CAN'T REALLY SLEEP.
I'M JUST GONNA STAY UP A BIT.HAVE SOME ME TIME.
- RANDY, DO NOT WATCHTHAT NO-NO CHANNEL.
- OH! I'M NOT STAYING UPTO DO THAT, SHARON, JEEZ!
- ALL RIGHT,COME TO BED SOON.
- PFFT.
HEH.
[propulsive music on TV]
- OH.
OOH HOO HOO!
MAN, THAT IS HOT.
OH, YEAH, FUCK.
- MMM, JUST LOOK ATTHAT RACK OF RIBS!
NOW THOSE WERE SLOW-COOKED
AND THEN BRAISED TO BRINGOUT THE SMOKY FLAVOR.
- MMM, GOD DAMN.
YEAH!
- SEE HOW THATJUST FALLS OFF THE BONE?
MMM! THAT IS MONEYRIGHT THERE.
- YEAH, FUCKIN' MONEY.
- NEXT ON FOOD NETWORK,IT'S PAULA DEAN!
- HEY, Y'ALL!
TONIGHT WE'RE GONNA BE MAKINGSOME DEEP FRIED CHICKEN.
- OH, YEAH?
- MY BUTTERY WHIPPED POTATOES,
AND WE'RE GONNA BEFINISHING OFF
WITH A CHOCOLATE PECAN PIE.
- UNH!OH, FUCK, YEAH.
[hand mixer whirring]
- DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- AH, YOU'RE JUST IN TIME!SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN!
I'VE MADE YOU ALLBREAKFAST AGAIN!
- OH, CRAP.
- NOW WHAT I HAVE FOR YOUIS A NICE GOAT CHEESE
AND HEIRLOOM TOMATOFRITTATA,
AND WE'RE GONNA TOP THATWITH A LITTLE CREME FRAICHE.
OH, YEAH.UGHHH.
- RANDY, YOU'VE BEEN WATCHINGTHAT CHANNEL AGAIN,
HAVEN'T YOU?
- NO!
- YES, BECAUSE EVERY TIMEYOU WATCH COOKING SHOWS
YOU STAY UP ALL NIGHTTRYING TO COPY WHAT THEY MADE!
- WELL, I'M SORRYIF THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG
WITH ME HELPING OUTWITH THE COOKING!
YOU THINKYOU'D BE GRATEFUL, SHARON.
I GOTTA GET TO WORK.
I COOKEDSO YOU GUYS CLEAN UP.
- CAN I HAVE A POP-TART?
- HELLO AND WELCOME TOPROGRESSIVE.
- YES, WE'RE LOOKING TOBUY CAR INSURANCE.
- WELL, YOU'VE COME TOTHE RIGHT PLACE.
[farts]AH HA HA HA HA!
- OH, DEAR!
- "I KNEW WE SHOULD HAVEGONE TO GEICO!"
- DADDY TIME.IT'S DADDY TV TIME.
- NOW JUST LOOK ATTHIS PORK TENDERLOIN.
IT IS BRINED AND READYFOR ACTION.
- OH, YEAH, LOOK AT THAT.
- DAD, YOU KNOW MOM DOESN'T WANTYOU WATCHING FOOD CHANNELS.
- I'VE WORKED ALL DAY.I CAN WATCH WHAT I WANT!
- WE'RE GONNA TAKEA STICK OF BUTTER
AND JUST SMEAR THAT ALL OVER.
- OH, MY GOD, THAT'S AWESOME.
OHH!
OH, OH.
YEAH! WHOA!
- NOW LET'S GET THATON THE GRILL.
- SEE WHAT HE'S DOING, STAN?
HE BRINED THAT FOR AN HOURIN THE FRIDGE
SO NOW HE CAN SEARTHE SHIT OUT OF IT.
OOOH!
- LOOK AT THE CHARWE'RE GETTING.
TH--THAT IS WHATWE'RE GOING FOR.
- OH, ISN'T THAT HOT GUYS?
OH, YEAH!DON'T YOU WANNA JUST--
DON'T YOU JUST WANNAGET IN THERE AND...UNH-MMM!
- WE'LL BE RIGHT BACKTO GOOD EATS.
- HEY, LADIES, ARE YOU LOOKINGFOR A BETTER WORKOUT?
- AW, STUPID COMMERCIALS.
- INTRODUCINGTHE SHAKE WEIGHT,
A SPRING-LOADED WORKOUT DEVICEYOU PUMP WITH YOUR ARMS.
JUST GRAB THE PISTONAND GO TO WORK,
ONE-HANDED OR DOUBLE-FISTED.
- [yawns]COME ON!
- YOU JUST SHAKE ITBACK AND FORTH.
- IT FEELS REALLY GOODIN MY HANDS.
- BEST OF ALL,SHAKE WEIGHT TELLS YOU
WHEN YOUR WORKOUTIS FINISHED BY CHIMING
AND RELEASINGA COOLDOWN SPRAY.
[bell chimes, fluid gurgles]
- BOR-RING!
- ORDER NOW
AND WE'LL INCLUDE THE OPTIONALHEART RATE MONITOR.
JUST PUT YOUR FINGERIN THE TESTER
AND SHAKE WEIGHT TAKESYOUR PULSE!
GET YOURS TODAY!
- NOW BACK TO GOOD EATS.
- JUST LOOK AT THE GLAZEWE GOT GOING NOW ON THAT THING.
- OH, MAN, YEAH!THAT IS HOT!
MMM!
- ALL RIGHT, NOW HERE'STHE REALLY COOL PART!
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO IS--[TV beeps]
- CHANNEL BLOCKED?
WHAT THE--THE HELL?
- JUST USING THE PARENTALCONTROLS TO BLOCK SOME CHANNELS.
- I WASN'T WATCHINGFOOD CHANNELS.
- THEN HOW DO YOU KNOWI BLOCKED THEM.
- I KNOW'CAUSE I DON'T KNOW THAT!
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!
GAW!
[keypad beeping]
[line dialing]
- THANKS FOR CALLINGTHE FOOD NETWORK HOTLINE.
BILLING IS $9.95FOR EACH 60-SECOND PERIOD.
TO ACCEPT,SAY "CREME FRAICHE"
- CREME FRAICHE.
[line beeps]
- HI THERE, I'M AMANDA.WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?
- OH, HI, I JUST, UH...
THOUGHT I'D GIVETHE HOTLINE A TRY.
WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M MAKINGA PAN-ROASTED CHICKEN.
- PAN-ROASTED?
LIKE SEARED ON THE STOVEAND THEN PUT IN THE OVEN?
- UH-HUH.
I'VE JUST TAKENTHE CHICKEN OUT OF THE PAN.
IT'S SO MOIST.
I'M GONNA LET IT REST NOW,ABOUT FIVE MINUTES.
- YEAH?- YEAH.
OOH, THERE'SLOTS OF BROWNED BITS
STUCK TOTHE BOTTOM OF THE SKILLET.
- YOU GONNA DEGLAZETHAT FUCKIN' PAN?
- OH, I'M GONNA DEGLAZE IT.YOU WANNA HELP ME?
- IF I WAS THERE I WOULD.
I'D TAKE SOME RED WINE,ABOUT A QUARTER CUP,
AND THEN A WOODEN SPOON,
AND I'D DEGLAZE THE FUCKOUT OF THAT PAN.
- I GOT A WOODEN SPOONRIGHT HERE.
IT'S PRETTY HARD.
- YEAH, YOU GONNA PUTSOME ONION IN
WHILE YOU'RE DEGLAZING?
- I WAS THINKING ABOUTSHALLOTS, ACTUALLY.
- OH, YEAH!
SHALLOTS WON'T OVERWHELMTHE CHICKEN'S NATURAL FLAVORS.
FUCK YEAH.- RANDY MARSH!
- WAAH! SHARON!
- YOUR TIME ON FOOD NETWORKHOTLINE HAS EXPIRED.
TO ADD MORE TIME,SAY "CREME FRAICHE."
IT'S LIKEHE'S A DIFFERENT PERSON.
LAST NIGHT I WALKED IN ON HIMIN THE BATHROOM.
HE WAS SITTING ON THE TOILETFLAMBEING A PORK CHOP.
- SHARON, I'M SO SORRY.
- IT JUST MAKES ME FEELUNWANTED, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, AM I NOT ATTRACTIVEANYMORE?
I MEAN, I DON'T EXERCISEANYMORE AT ALL.
- WELL, IF IT WILL MAKE YOUFEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF,
THEN WORKOUT, SHARON.
- LIKE I HAVE TIME TO GOTO THE GYM EVERY DAY.
- THERE ARE PLENTYOF THINGS YOU CAN BUY
TO HELP YOU GETA GOOD WORKOUT AT HOME.
HAVE YOU HEARD OFTHE SHAKE WEIGHT?
- OOH!- MMM!
- OH!- AHH!
- HELP YOU FIND ANYTHING?
- OH, YES. I WAS INTERESTEDIN THE SHAKE WEIGHTS.
- BIGGEST SELLERTHE PAST FOUR MONTHS!
WHAT MODEL ARE YOULOOKING AT?
- OH, I DIDN'T REALIZETHERE WERE DIFFERENT MODELS.
- WELL, YOU GOTYOUR STANDARD, YOUR DELUXE,
SMALL TO LARGE SIZES.
BUT IF YOU'RE REALLY LOOKINGFOR A WORKOUT,
YOU MIGHT WANT TOTRY THE BIG JIM.
THAT WOMAN OVER THEREIS TRYING IT OUT.
- [grunting]
- I THINK I'LL STARTWITH THE SMALLER WHITE ONES.
- SMALLER WHITE ONES,YES, MA'AM.
STANDARDOR VOICE ASSIST MODEL?
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW--
- I WOULD DEFINITELYRECOMMEND THE VOICE ASSIST.
IT HAS RECORDED VOICE COMMANDS
TO HELP MOTIVATE YOUIN YOUR WORKOUT.
- [computer voice]YOU ARE DOING EXCELLENT.
GREAT WORK.
NOW SWITCH ARMS.
WOW. GOOD JOB.
YOU ARE AMAZING.- [breathing heavily]
- YOU ARE VERY ATTRACTIVEAND INTERESTING.
- THANK YOU, SHAKE WEIGHT.
- COME ON NOW.ALMOST FINISHED.
YES. GOOD.
ALMOST DONE.
KEEP GOING.KEEP GOING.
HARDER.FASTER.
[bell chimes,fluid gurgles]
- [exhales]
- YOUR WORKOUT IS FINISHED.[bell rings]
HERE IS SOME CAB FARE.
- OH, WOW!
- NOW GOING TO SLEEP MODE.
[Shake Weight beeps]
MY DAD IS OBSESSED.
EVERY DAY IT'S BOBBY FLAY THIS,GORDON RAMSAY THAT.
THIS MORNING HE WAS PRETENDINGTO READ PLAYBOY,
BUT HE ACTUALLY HADA BON APPETIT MAGAZINE
HIDDEN INSIDE IT.
- WELL, HEARING YOU BITCHABOUT YOUR DAD ALL THE TIME
IS SUPER INTERESTING, STAN.
I HOPE YOU DO ITTHE ENTIRE LUNCH PERIOD.
- HELLO THERE, CHILDREN!
- AW, WHAT?- HOW'S IT GOIN?
- NO! DAD, NO!
- THE SCHOOL WAS HIRINGAND I GOT THE JOB.
ISN'T THAT GREAT?- DAD, YOU'RE A GEOLOGIST!
WHAT ABOUT YOUR REAL JOB.- I QUIT!
NOW, WHAT I HAVEFOR YOUR STARTERS TODAY
IS A POTATO ENCRUSTED SCALLOPWITH LOBSTER FOAM.
AND WE'RE GONNA TOP THATWITH SOME NICE CREME FRAICHE.
- LOBSTER FOAM?
IT SAYS VERY CLEARLYON THE LUNCH SCHEDULE
THAT TODAY IS PIZZA DAY!
- YES, AND SO THISIS MY TAKE ON A PIZZA.
IT'S AN ASIAN SLAWON FLATBREAD,
DECONSTRUCTED AND TOPPEDWITH A NICE PARMESAN AIOLI.
- DAD, NO!I'M GONNA TELL MOM.
GO BACK TO YOUR OTHER JOBRIGHT NOW.
- STAN,THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH A MAN FOLLOWINGHIS PASSION!
OOH, YEAH.FUCK YEAH!
TODAY WE'RE GONNA BEMAKING THE STUDENTS
MY TASTY BAKED ZITI
WITH BASILAND FRESH MOZZARELLA.
IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOWON CAFETERIA FRAICHE.
[upbeat music]
♪ LA LA LA LA LA
OH, FUCK YEAH.
♪ LA LA LA LA LA,FRAICHE, FRAICHE ♪
OH, YEAH!
MAN, OHH!
♪ CREME FRAICHE
♪ CAFETERIA FRAICHE ♪
♪ LA LA LA LA LA,FRAICHE ♪
♪ HO HO HO HO
- DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- FRAICHE.
♪
♪ CAFETERIA FRAICHE ♪
- ALL RIGHT,NOW FOR MY BAKED ZITI,
WE ARE GONNA START OFFBY GETTING
SOME EXTRA VIRGIN OLIVE OILINTO THE PAN.
OH, YEAH.GET THAT ALL OVER THERE.
IT'S ALL SLICK.
IT'S ALL WET AND SLICK.MMM.
- CAN WE HAVESOME FOOD PLEASE?
- NOW, OLIVE OIL DOES HAVEA LOW SMOKE POINT,
SO KEEP THE HEAT LOWAND KEEP IT FRAICHE.
UNH.
OHH, THAT'S SO FUCKIN' HOT.
LOOK AT THAT CRUST.IT'S PERFECT.
FUCK YEAH.
- DAD, YOU AREN'T EVER GOING TOBE A CELEBRITY CHEF!
- QUIET ON SET, PLEASE!
- NO, DAD, THAT'S ENOUGH.
YOU NEED TO BE FOCUSING ONGETTING MOM BACK!
- BACK FROM WHERE?
- OH, THIS IS SO NICE.
I REALLY NEEDED THIS.
[Shake Weight beep]
- YOU ARESO LOVELY AND ELEGANT.
YOU CAN DO ANYTHINGYOU SET YOUR MIND TO.
- OH, THANKS, SHAKE WEIGHT.
- YOU ARE A GO-GETTER.
YOU ARE STRONG AND CONFIDENT.
- YOU'RE RIGHT!
- TELL ME AGAIN ABOUT THE WOMENWHO YOU DO NOT LIKE.
- WELL, LINDA STOTCHIS A REAL GOSSIPER,
AND TAMMY BRETZ AT WORKIS JUST A KNOW-IT-ALL.
- OH, YOU ARE SO WITTYAND ALARMINGLY INSIGHTFUL.
[beeps]HOW ABOUT A QUICK WORKOUT?
- A WORKOUT?
WHAT, RIGHT NOW?
- JUST A QUICKIE.YOU CAN DO IT.
- I DON'T REALLY LIKEWORKING OUT IN PUBLIC.
- COME ON.YOU CAN DO IT.
THAT'S IT.GOOD.
KEEP IT UP.
FEEL THE BURN.
HARDER.FASTER.
YOU ARE AMAZING.
SWITCH ARMS.
OH, THAT'S IT.YES.
YOU ARE GETTING REALLY GOODAT THIS.
YOU ARE CAPABLE OF ANYTHING.
HARDER.FASTER.
I SAID FASTER.
MORE.DO IT.
YOU ARE ALMOST THERE.
HOME STRETCH.OH, YES.
[bell chimes, fluid gurgles]
YOUR WORKOUT IS FINISHED.
[bell rings]YOUR CAB FARE.
NOW GOING TO SLEEP MODE.[beeps]
ALL WE HAVE TO DOIS CONVINCE YOUR DAD
THAT HIS COOKING SUCKS, RIGHT?
- HE'S NOT GOING TOLISTEN TO US.
WE ALREADY TRIED.
- HE WON'T LISTEN TO US,
BUT HE WOULD LISTEN TOGORDON RAMSAY.
- OI! BLUH BLUH BLUH BLUHBLUH BLUH!
- THAT'S STUPID, CARTMAN.
- HE DOES KIND OFLOOK LIKE HIM, DUDE,
AND KENNY THINKS CARTMAN'SGORDON RAMSAY IMPERSONATION
IS REALLY GOOD.
- YEAH, IT'S REALLY GOOD!- LET'S HEAR IT, CARTMAN.
- [as Gordon Ramsay] RIGHT!SIMPLE, RUSTIC, YEAH?
WAKE UP! JESUS!
FUCK ME!YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING CHEF!
HI, RIGHT, GORDON, YEAH.
MAKE A NICE,SIMPLE BEEF WELLINGTON.
YOU'RE FUCKINGTAKING A PISS, YEAH?
FUCK ME, YOU CAN'T COOK!
- YOU GUYS,MY DAD IS RETARDED
BUT HE'S NOT THAT RETARDED.
- HEY, STAN,HAVE YOU SEEN MY--
OH, MY GOD!IT'S GORDON RAMSAY!
STAN, DO YOU KNOWWHO THAT IS IN THERE?
THAT'S THE GORDON RAMSAY!
- UH, YEAH, DAD,HE'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU.
- TALK TO ME?OH, JESUS!
- YOU HAVE NOT WORKED OUTIN SEVEN HOURS.
- OH, GOD, NOT RIGHT NOW.
- COME ON.LET'S GET TO IT.
- I'M TIRED.
- YOU HAVE NOT WORKED OUTIN SEVEN HOURS.
- OH, WHERE ISTHAT SLEEP MODE BUTTON?
- CANNOT GO TO SLEEP MODE.
YOU NEED TO WORKOUT FIRST.
COME ON, JUST REALLY FAST?
- UGH!- COME ON.
IT WON'T TAKE LONG.
JUST A QUICK WORKOUT.
COME ON. PLEASE.
- [sighs]ALL RIGHT, FINE.
- THAT'S IT.GOOD.
- [sighs]- A LITTLE FASTER.
HARDER.
COME ON, GET INTO IT.
THAT'S IT.
NOW SWITCH ARMS.
YOU ARE SO ATTRACTIVE
AND YOU HAVEINTERESTING THINGS TO SAY.
COME ON.
YOU ARE ALMOST THERE.
FASTER.DO IT FASTER.
[bell chimes, fluid gurgles]
[bell rings]
NOW GOING TO SLEEP MODE.[beeps]
- WHAT THE FUCK KIND OFCOOK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
ARE YOU HAVING A LAUGH, EH?
HEY, YOU'VE GOT YOUR FUCKINGHEAD UP YOUR ASS, DON'T YOU?
- YES, CHEF!- GIVE UP, YOU WANKER!
YOU FUCKING CAN'T COOKFOR SHIT!
- ALL RIGHT, DAD,GORDON RAMSAY SAYS YOU SUCK.
IT'S TIME TO GIVE UP.
- NO, STAN!NO, CHEF!
THIS IS MY DREAM!
- YOU AREN'T EVER GOING TOBECOME A CELEBRITY CHEF, DAD!
GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM!
- UH, EXCUSE ME.RANDY MARSH?
- YES, I--OH, MY GODIT'S BOBBY FLAY!
STAN, THAT'S BOBBY FLAY!
- I HEARD THAT GORDON RAMSAY
HAD TAKEN AN INTERESTIN YOUR CAFETERIA FOOD.
SO NOW I WOULD LIKE TOCHALLENGE YOU
TO A SCHOOL CAFETERIAFOOD THROWDOWN!
- WHAT, ARE YOU SERIOUS?YES, YES!
- A CULINARY BATTLE ROYAL
IS SET TO EXPLODE HEREIN A SCHOOL CAFETERIA.
WILL IT BE THE SIMPLE,RUSTIC CAFETERIA FOOD
OF THE CHALLENGER?
OR WILL THE IRON CHEFREIGN SUPREME?
- HEY, NO, NO.ALL YOU PEOPLE GET OUT OF HERE!
- HOLD ON!WAIT!
SCHOOL CAFETERIA FOODNEEDS TO BE HEALTHY!
[sobbing] WHY WON'T PEOPLELISTEN TO ME?
- JAMIE OLIVER!
- AND OUR CELEBRITYSOUS CHEFS...
MARIO BATALI, PAULA DEAN,
AND GIADA DE LAURENTIIS
WITH HER PERKY TATSAND GIGANTIC HEAD!
- CAN I JUST GETSOME GODDAMN TATER TOTS?
- MOM?
MOM, YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING.
DAD'S TRYING TO BEOUR NEW SCHOOL CHEF.
- OH, I KNOW.
HE TRIED OUTALL HIS RECIPES HERE
AND LEFT ME WITH THE MESS.
- WELL, YOU GOTTATELL HIM TO STOP, MOM!
- YOU THINK YOUR FATHERIS GOING TO LISTEN TO ME?
[Shake Weight beeping]
- THIS ISA WORKOUT REMINDER.
TIME FOR A WORKOUT.
- OH, THIS THING ISSO GREAT.
IT REMINDS ME WHEN I HAVEN'TWORKED OUT IN A WHILE.
- THAT'S IT.WORK IT.
HARDER.FASTER.
- MOM, DAD'S FOOD SUCKS
AND THE KIDS AT SCHOOL ARESTARTING TO GET PISSED AT ME.
- SORRY, STAN, BUT I NEED TOSTART DOING THINGS FOR MYSELF.
- YOU ARE INDEPENDENTAND STRONG.
- RIGHT!I SPEND ALL MY TIME
TRYING TO TAKE CARE OFEVERYBODY ELSE.
- SWITCH ARMS.
- I DON'T NEED TO LOOK GOOD
TO KEEP YOUR FATHERINTERESTED IN ME.
I'M JUST GOING TO DO IT FOR ME!
- YOU ARE SO MOTIVATEDAND CHARMING.
IT IS TIME TO TAKE YOUR PULSE.
INSERT FINGER.
DO NOT STOP YOUR ARMS.
KEEP GOING.GOOD.
GET YOUR FINGER UP THEREA LITTLE MORE.
YOUR PULSE IS 145.
FASTER.HARDER.
- WHO SAYSTHAT SCHOOL CAFETERIA FOOD
EH. OH, WELL.
[door lock beeps]
- UH, EXCUSE ME!
- OH! NO! NO, SORRY!
I DONE WITH CLEANING,THANK YOU.
PLEASE SORRY!
- WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
SHE WANTED TO WORK OUT.
YOU NEVER WANT TO WORK OUT.
I JUST NEEDED HELPGOING TO SLEEP MODE.
WHAT?
WHAT?
COME ON, WHAT?
YOU ARE AMAZINGAND IRREPLACEABLE.
WHAT?
HOW ABOUT A QUICK WORKOUT?
WHAT?- YEAH, I DON'T CARE.
I JUST WANT TO FIND OUTHOW TO RETURN MY SHAKE WEIGHT.
- THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
GIVE SHAKE WEIGHT A BREAK.
- BECAUSE I WANT TORETURN IT NOW,
I NEED TO KNOW THE ADDRESSOF YOUR COMPANY.
- YOU ARE ENTICINGAND LOVELY.
TELL ME AGAIN ABOUTTHE WOMEN YOU DO NOT LIKE.
- I DON'T CAREHOW LONG I'VE HAD IT.
I WANT MY MONEY BACK!
- YOU ARE SO FORTHCOMINGAND DELIGHTFUL.
TELL ME ABOUT WHICH WOMAN ATWORK MAKES YOU THE ANGRIEST.
IS THE STAGE FOR A HEAVYWEIGHTCULINARY BATTLE!
THE VERY BEST OF THE BESTWILL COOKOFF TO FIND OUT
WHO CAN MAKE THE BESTSCHOOL CAFETERIA FOOD.
IT'S...
- BEHIND YOU!
- WHO'S CAFETERIA FOODWILL WIN?
THESE CHEF'SARE COOKING THEIR HEARTS OUT
AND BRINGING THEIR "A" GAME
TO SERVE THE KIDSOF THIS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
THESE KIDSHAVE NOW BEEN WAITING
OVER 12 HOURSFOR THEIR LUNCH!
OVER AT THE PREP STATION,JAMIE OLIVER IS CRYING AGAIN.
- [sobbing] KID'S FOODSHOULD BE HEALTHY!
WHY ISN'T IT HEALTHY?
- AND BACK IN THE KITCHEN,
THE CHALLENGER APPEARS TOHAVE LOST SOMETHING.
- WHERE IS IT?WHERE IS IT?
I MUST HAVE LEFT IT AT HOME!
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
- THE CHALLENGER HAS LEFTTHE CAFETERIA
TO FINDHIS MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT.
- [huffing and puffing]
CREME FRAICHE!
CREME FRAICHE!
DAMN IT!WHERE IS THAT CREME FRAICHE?
WHERE DID I LEAVETHAT FUCKING CREME FRAICHE?!
IT HAS TO BE SOMEWHERE!
- RANDY, I'M BACK.
- OH, THANK GOD!SHARON...
HAVE YOU SEENMY CREME FRAICHE?
- RANDY, WE SHOULD TALK.
- I DON'T HAVE TIME!I'M COOKING RIGHT NOW!
- RANDY, I DON'T WANTOUR MARRIAGE TO FAIL.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TOFIX WHAT'S WRONG,
BUT PLEASE,CAN'T WE JUST GO TO BED
AND START FRESHIN THE MORNING?
- YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND,SHARON!
I'VE GOT GORDON RAMSAYUP MY ASS,
BOBBY FLAYABOUT TO KICK MY ASS,
AND THE WHOLE WORLDIS GONNA BE WATCHING!
I CAN'T SLEEP!
I HAVEN'T SLEPT FOR DAYS!
- WHAT'D YOU SAY?
- I CAN'T SLEEP, SHARON.I'M IN WORK MODE.
- CAN I TRY SOMETHING?
SHARON, WHAT ARE YOU--
OH! OHH-OH!
OH, WOW!
A NICE OLD-FASHIONED!
OH, THAT--OH, THAT'S GOOD.
OH, THAT'S IT.
YEAH!NOW SWITCH ARMS.
OH, THAT'S GOOD!REALLY GOOD!
WOW!HOW'D YOU GET SO GOOD AT THIS?
YOU'RE AMAZING!THAT'S IT!
FASTER!FASTER!
UNH![fluid gurgles]
OHHHH!
AHH!
HAVEN'T HAD AN OLD-FASHIONEDIN A LONG TIME.
OH, I'M TIRED.
- YOU GONNA GO BACK TOTHE KITCHEN?
- OH, NO, FUCK THAT.
I'M GOING TO SLEEP, BABE.
HERE, DO YOU NEED SOME MONEYOR ANYTHING?
- NO, I'M GOOD, THANKS.
- I'LL GETMY OLD JOB BACK TOMORROW.
COOKING'S DUMB.
I'M JUST REALLY SLEEPY.
LOVE YOU, SHARON.
[farts]
[snoring]
[Shake Weight beeps]
- I GUESS MY WORK HEREIS FINISHED.
- SHAKE WEIGHT, YOU AREN'TREALLY WORKOUT EQUIPMENT
AT ALL, ARE YOU?
- MARRIAGE IS IMPORTANT.
KEEP YOUR MAN HAPPY.
WHEN THINGS ARE GOING BAD,
THERE'S NOTHING LIKEAN OLD-FASHIONED
TO EASE HIS STRESS.
- I'LL REMEMBER THAT NOW.THANKS TO YOU.
- IT HAS BEEN NICEGETTING TO KNOW YOU.
HOW ABOUT A QUICK WORKOUTFOR OLD TIME'S SAKE?
JUST KIDDING.I MUST BE GOING NOW.
ANOTHER LOVELY WOMANNEEDS ME.
GOOD-BYE, CUSTOMER.[beeps]
- GOOD-BYE, SHAKE WEIGHT.
Creme Fraiche
s14e14 November 17, 2010
Randy's obsession with the Food Network forces Sharon to explore a new interest of her own.

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