all: 21! 22!
23!
24! 25!
26! 27!
- OH, I WISH I COULD EXERCISE
WITH THE RESTOF THE TEAM, COACH,
BUT I'VE GOTSUCH A BELLYACHE.
- YOU SEEM TO HAVEA STOMACHACHE
EVERY TIME WE DO DRILLSAND EXERCISES.
- I KNOW. IT SUCKS!
[whistle blows]
- ALL RIGHT, KIDS,PRACTICE IS OVER FOR TODAY.
- KFC!
- OH, BOY!OH, BOY!
I'M GONNA GET A THREE-PIECE MEALAND CRISPY STRIPS!
- CARTMAN, YOU ONLY COMETO SOCCER PRACTICE ON FRIDAYS,
AND THAT'S ONLYBECAUSE WE GET TO HAVE
KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKENAFTERWARDS!
- SHUT UP, YOU SHIFTY JEW!
I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!
OH, SORRY, SORRY.
I JUST--YOU KNOW,WHEN I'VE BEEN WAITING TOO LONG
FOR THE COLONEL'S CHICKEN,I GET EASILY AGITATED.
YOU'REA FUCKING ASSHOLE, KENNY!
OH, OH.OH, SORRY, SORRY.
OH, HERE WE ARE!HERE WE ARE!
- HEY, IT LOOKS DIFFERENT.
[bell jingles]
- HEY, UH,WHAT'S UP WITH THE KFC?
- OH, IT'S NOT A KFC ANYMORE.
IT'S A MEDICINAL MARIJUANADISPENSARY.
- A WHAT?
- DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK?WHAT THE FUCK?
- SO WHERE'S THE KFC NOW?
- ALL RIGHT, BOYS,WAIT OUT HERE.
LET ME SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
[bell jingles]
- CAN I HELP YOU, SIR?
- YEAH, UH, WE WERE ACTUALLYLOOKING TO GET SOME KFC.
- OH, YEAH.SORRY, THAT'S GONE.
WE ONLY SELL MARIJUANA HERE.
- REALLY?
I MEAN, YOU'RE OPENLYSELLING POT, FOR REALS?
- SURE.NEW STATE LAWS SAY IT'S OKAY.
- WHOO-HOO!ALL RIGHT!
I LOVE THE FUTURE!
LET'S SEE, UH, I'LL TAKE HALFA POUND OF THAT JAMAICAN PASSION
AND GIVE ME SOMEOF THAT PURPLISH STUFF TOO.
- ALL RIGHT,I'LL JUST NEED TO SEE
YOUR PHYSICIAN'S REFERENCE.
- MY, HUH?
- WELL, SIR,
WE CAN'T JUSTSELL THE MARIJUANA TO ANYBODY.
YOU NEED A REFERENCEFROM YOUR DOCTOR
TO SHOW IT'S NECESSARY.
- OH, THAT'S DUMB.
OKAY, OKAY,I'LL--I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
- WHAT'D THEY SAY?
- KFC'S GONE.BEEN REPLACED.
- THEY CAN'T DO THAT!
THIS IS THE ONLY KFCIN ALL OF SOUTH PARK.
- YEAH, WELL,I GOT TO GET TO THE DOCTOR.
- THE DOCTOR?BUT, DAD, WE WANT TO EAT.
- I GOT TO GET TO THE DOCTOR!
[tires squealing]
- SO NO KFC?
- THIS IS A NIGHTMARE.
THIS IS A NIGHTMARE,AND I CAN'T WAKE UP!
IT LOOKS LIKE YOUARE IN PERFECT HEALTH.
YOUR BLOOD WORKCAME BACK GREAT,
AND ALL YOUR VITALSAPPEAR NORMAL.
- ALL RIGHT!
- YEP, YOU CHECK OUT FINE.
- THAT'S GREAT.
SO CAN I GETA REFERRAL FROM YOU?
- FOR WHAT?
- MEDICINAL MARIJUANA.
THERE'S A SHOP THAT OPENEDIN THE OLD KFC,
AND THEY SAID I NEEDEDA DOCTOR'S REFERRAL TO BUY WEED.
- MR. MARSH, YOU DON'T QUALIFYFOR MEDICINAL MARIJUANA.
- BUT YOU SAIDI'M TOTALLY HEALTHY!
- MEDICINAL MARIJUANA ISFOR PEOPLE WHO AREN'T HEALTHY--
AIDS PATIENTS,CANCER PATIENTS,
YOU KNOW,PEOPLE GOING THROUGH CHEMO.
THE THC HELPS THEM EATAND TAKE THE PAIN.
YOU ARE IN FINE SHAPE.
- WELL, THAT SUCKS.
WELL, SO, DOCTOR,HOW DO MOST PEOPLE GET CANCER?
- WELL, THERE'S A LOT OF WAYSYOU CAN GET CANCER.
- YEAH, BUTWHAT'S THE QUICKEST WAY?
- THE WHAT?
- WELL, LIKE, WHAT FORMSOF CANCER INDUCE
IN TIME FOR THE ZIGGY MARLEYCONCERT NEXT SATURDAY IN DENVER?
- MOM, DRIVE FASTER.
- THE KFC IN SALIDAIS A LONG WAY AWAY, SWEETIE.
BE PATIENT.
- SHUT UP AND DRIVE FASTER!
I'VE BEEN WAITINGFOR CHICKEN FOR TOO LONG!
- ERIC, WE'RE ALMOSTTO FRISCO.
WHY DON'T WE GO TO THE CHURCH'SFRIED CHICKEN THERE?
- WHAT?
CHURCH'S FRIED CHICKENTASTES LIKE CAT SHIT!
- ALL RIGHT, HONEY,LET'S TAKE IT EASY.
- FUCK YOU!
NO! NO!WHAT'S GOING ON?
MOVE ASIDE!
- IT'S CLOSED, KID.THERE'S NOTHING IN THERE.
- NO, YOU--YOU CAN'T DO THIS.
THE KFC IN MY TOWNIS CLOSED TOO!
- YEAH, WELL, THAT'S BECAUSEOF THE VOTE LAST NOVEMBER
TO BAN FAST FOODIN LOW-INCOME AREAS.
- YOU MEAN I HAVE TO DRIVE
ALL THE WAY TO DENVERTO GET CHICKEN?
- NO, YOU DON'T GET IT, KID.
KFCs WERE ONLYIN LOW-INCOME AREAS.
IN THE ENTIRE STATEOF COLORADO,
KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKENIS ILLEGAL.
[ominous music]
- NOOOO!
- DAD, MOM SAYS TO STOP TRYINGTO GIVE YOURSELF CANCER.
- JUST GONNA GETA LITTLE BIT OF CANCER, STAN.
TELL MOM IT'S OKAY.
- CAN I HELP YOU?
- I NEED--SOMEBODY SAIDYOU COULD HELP ME.
I HAVE TO--I HAVEN'T HAD KFCIN ALMOST A WEEK.
[hyperventilating]
- ALL RIGHT, SIGN YOUR NAMEON THE RELEASE FORM.
PUT DOWN THE TIME...- REALLY?
- YOUR BIRTH YEAR, AND WE'LL GETYOU THROUGH THE NEXT 24 HOURS.
- WHAT, ARE YOU SERIOUS?
OH, MY GOD!THAT'S KFC GRAVY!
YOU HAVE KFC!YES!
THIS IS IT?
ONE LOUSYLITTLE CUP OF GRAVY?
- THIS IS A CLINIC TO HELP YOUGET OVER YOUR ADDICTION.
- WHO WANTS JUST GRAVY?
IT GOES ON MASHED POTATOES,
ON EXTRA-CRISPY CHICKEN SKIN!
- IF YOU DON'T WANT IT,THAT'S FINE.
- NO!
[sucking, slurping]
OH, GOD.OH, GOD, IT'S SO GOOD.
- "FROZENAND PROCESSED FOODS
"APPEAR TO HAVE A DIRECT LINK
TO MANY FORMSOF STOMACH AND COLON CANCERS."
ALL RIGHT.
[buttons beeping]
"TESTS SHOW THAT PRESERVATIVESFOUND IN THESE FOODS
"ARE THE LEADING CAUSE.
"HOWEVER, LUCKILY, MOSTOF THESE CANCERS ARE...
SLOW-GROWINGAND CAN TAKE YEARS TO DEVELOP."
DAMN IT.
"TESTICULAR CANCER.
"MOST COMMON IN OLDER MEN
AND CAN BEEXTREMELY AGGRESSIVE."
OH, THIS IS GOOD.
"THERE'S NO DATA ON WHAT CAUSESTESTICULAR CANCER
"TO GROW SO RAPIDLY.
"HOWEVER, THE PRIMARY CAUSESOF TESTICULAR CANCER
ARE LINKED TO EXPOSURETO HIGH DOSES OF RADIATION."
HMM.
OH, HEY, STAN.COULD YOU GRAB ME A BEER?
STAN?
- [snoring]
[grunting]
OHH. AHH.
[gasps]
OHH!
SHARON!HEY, HEY, SHARON!
- WHAT?
AAH!
[monitor beeping]
- MR. MARSH, I'M AFRAID THATTHE TEST CAME BACK POSITIVE.
YOU DO HAVETESTICULAR CANCER.
- SCORE!
- NOW, THE GOOD NEWS ISIT HASN'T SPREAD ANYWHERE.
WE SHOULD PROBABLY SCHEDULETO HAVE THEM RE--
- YEAH, YEAH, BUT FOR NOW,
CAN I FINALLY GETMY PRESCRIPTION, PLEASE?
- YOUR PRESCRIPTION FOR WHAT?
- ♪ BUFFALO SOLDIER
♪ IN THE HEART OF AMERICA
♪ STOLEN FROM AFRICA
♪ BROUGHT TO AMERICA
♪ SHE WAS FIGHTIN'ON ARRIVAL ♪
[bell jingles]
- ONE OUNCE OF PURPLE LURPLE,
TWO OUNCESOF FISHERMEN'S FRIEND,
AND A HALF OUNCEOF ALABAMA KUSH!
OH, THAT IS NICE.
THAT IS NICE.
- RANDY!
JESUS, RANDY!YOUR BALLS!
- I KNOW!
SMOKING POTRIGHT IN FRONT OF A COP!
PRETTY SWEET, HUH?
- NO, I MEANYOUR ACTUAL BALLS!
- OH, YEAH,TESTICULAR CANCER.
HERE, HERE, YOU WANT SOME?
OH, WAIT!YOU'RE HEALTHY!
HEY, BUST HIS ASS, OFFICER![laughs]
- HEY, KID.
THEY SAY YOU'RE LOOKINGFOR SOME KFC.
- YEAH, WHO ISN'T?
- YEAH, WELL, UH,WE GOT SOME...
OVER AT BILLY MILLER'S HOUSE.
- BILLY MILLER?SERIOUSLY?
- AH, ERIC CARTMAN, RIGHT?
- TOMMY SAIDYOU HAVE SOME KFC.
- SURE.
[snaps fingers]JESSIE.
- OH, MY GOD!
COLONEL'S POPCORN CHICKENAND HONEY MUSTARD SAUCE!
OH, GOD, YES!
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?- I HAVE MY SOURCES.
THAT'LL BE $85.
- 85 BUCKS?I DON'T HAVE THAT!
[ominous music]
- HOLD ON, HOLD ON.
YOU'RE A BIG BOY, ERIC.
MAYBE YOU CAN PAY ME BACKANOTHER WAY,
DO A LITTLE JOB FOR ME.
I'VE GOT SOME SERIOUS KFCCOMING IN FROM A DEALER.
I NEED SOMEBODYWILLING TO GET A LITTLE RISKY
AND PICK IT UP.
- HOW MUCH KFC ARE WE TALKING?
- TWO BUCKETSPLUS A THREE-PIECE MEAL
AND FOUR SIDES.
- HOLY FUCK, DUDE.
- I'VE GOT THE MONEYTO PAY FOR IT,
BUT IT'S BECOMEA RISKY BUSINESS OUT THERE.
YOU GET THE CHICKEN FOR ME,
AND I'LL MAKE SUREYOU ARE HOOKED UP FOR LIFE.
DO YOU WANT TO DO IT?
- DO I WANT TO DO IT?
DOES THE POPE HELP PEDOPHILESGET AWAY WITH THEIR CRIMES?
- [coughing]
ALL RIGHT,SEE YOU TOMORROW.
[grunts]
[gasps]OH, GOD, I GOT TO HURRY!
CAPRICA STARTSIN FIVE MINUTES!
OH!
OH, JESUS!
OH, OH.
OH, HEY, COULD SOMEBODY...?
[grunts]
UGH, I GOT TO GET HOME.
[grunting]
HEY. HEY.
HEY, THIS CAN WORK.
THIS CAN--
HEY, IT'S LIKEA HOPPITY HOP!
[laughs tentatively]
[laughing wildly]
- MAYBE I AM.WHO'S ASKING?
- CUT THE CRAP.YOU GOT THE STUFF?
- OH, I GOT THE HOOKUP.
QUESTION IS,YOU GOT THE MONEY?
ALL RIGHT.WE IN BIZ.
IT'S ALL THERE, MAN.- EXTRA-CRISPY, RIGHT?
- OF COURSE, MAN.I AIN'T NO FOOL.
- YOU TRYINGTO FUCK ME, DUDE?
THIS IS CUTWITH BOSTON MARKET GRAVY!
- AW, IT'S ALLTHE SAME SHIT, MAN.
- IT IS NOTTHE SAME SHIT!
- OKAY, OKAY!I'M SORRY, YO!
- YOU'RE CUTTING COLONEL'S GRAVYWITH BOSTON MARKET
TO TRY AND SAVE YOURSELFSOME FUCKING MONEY!
- I'LL TAKE BACK THE GRAVY.
[gun cocks]
- LIKE ANYBODY WANTS KFCWITHOUT GRAVY!
- AAH! PLEASE!PLEASE, I'M SORRY!
TAKE YOUR MONEY BACK!TAKE THE KFC TOO!
- WHAT'S GOING ON BACK THERE?
- NOTHING.IT'S COOL.
45 TO YOU, NED.
- [coughing]OH, MAN!
THIS RAINY DAY WOMANIS THE BOMB.
YOU GUYS DON'T KNOWWHAT YOU'RE MISSING.
- WELL, YOU KNOW,YOU COULD SHARE
SOME OF THAT WITH US, RANDY.
- NO, NELSON,THAT'S ILLEGAL.
I CAN SMOKE THISBECAUSE I HAVE CANCER.
- AW, COME ON, JUST GIVE USA LITTLE BIT!
- YEAH.
- GET YOUR OWNMEDICINAL MARIJUANA CARDS!
YOU'VE ALL GOT PERFECTLY GOODMICROWAVES AT HOME.
LOOK, I'M TELLING YOU GUYS,IT'S AWESOME.
I CAN HAVE ALL THE POT I WANT.
I GET AROUNDFASTER THAN WALKING,
AND WHEREVER I NEED A SEAT,I CAN JUST SIT ON MY BALLS.
LET ME TELL YOUSOMETHING ELSE.
CHICKS LOVE THEM.
- WOMEN LOVE HUGE BALLS?
- LOVE THEM.
EVERYWHERE I GO,WHEN I WALK BY,
CHICKS ARE, LIKE,TURNING THEIR HEADS
AND GOING, "WHAAA?"
I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH WOMENLOVED GUYS' BALLS
UNTIL I GOT THESE PUPPIES.
- TRAVIS, DID YOU TAKE OUTTHE GARBA--WHAAA?
- SEE?
- YEAH, I GOT THE STUFF.
AND I GOT THE MONEY.
- HEY, YOU'RE GOOD, ERIC.I NEED PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
- GOOD, 'CAUSE I ATEA BUNCH OF CHICKEN
ON THE WAY OVER HERE.[burps]
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT, ERIC.
I'VE GOT SOMETHING BIGIN THE WORKS.
WHAT IF I TOLD YOUTHAT I NOW HAVE A DIRECT LINE
TO GET ALL THE KFCWE WANT HERE?
I'M SENDING TOMMY TO KENTUCKY
TO TRY AND SET UPA LITTLE ARRANGEMENT
WITH THE COLONEL HIMSELF.
- WAIT A MINUTE.YOU MEAN THE COLONEL?
- THAT'S RIGHT.
AND I'D LIKE YOUTO GO AS WELL
AND WATCH TOMMY'S BACKFOR ME.
IS THAT SOMETHINGYOU'D WANT TO DO?
- IS THAT SOMETHINGI'D WANT TO DO?
IS THE POPE CATHOLIC...
AND MAKING THE WORLD SAFEFOR PEDOPHILES?
- EXCELLENT.
- DOCTOR, MR. KLINE'STEST RESULTS CAME IN.
- WHAT THE HELLIS GOING ON?
- DOCTOR?
- THIS IS THE TENTH CASEI'VE SEEN THIS WEEK.
IT CAN'T BE A COINCIDENCE.
SOMETHING IN THIS TOWN
IS GIVING MENTESTICULAR CANCER.
[whimsical music]
♪
- HEH! MAN, I AMSTONED OFF MY ASS!
- I'M STONED OFF MY BALLS!
- [laughing]
- ANYBODY GOT MOREOF THAT LOOMPA LOOMPA WEED?
- WOW. THOSE GUYSHAVE NICE BALLS.
- WISH MY MAN HAD BALLSLIKE THOSE.
- MMM!
♪
- OUR ENTIRE PRODUCTIONIS HEADQUARTERED HERE, BOYS.
WE MOVE OVER 16 TONSOF CHICKEN EVERY MONTH.
OF COURSE, WITH THE NEW LAWSIN COLORADO,
MY BUSINESSHAS TAKEN QUITE A HIT.
I'M WORRIED OTHER STATESMIGHT FOLLOW SUIT.
- WE KNOW, COLONEL.
BUT WE CAN GET YOUR CHICKENINTO THE STATE.
WE JUST NEED A BULK DEAL--SAY, $4.95 A KEY?
- I'VE GOT TO HAND ITTO YOU, COLONEL.
YOU HAVE EVERYTHINGA MAN COULD WANT.
- I LIKE YOU, ERIC.
THERE'S NO LYING IN YOU.
UNFORTUNATELY, I DON'T FEELTHE SAME WAY ABOUT YOUR FRIEND.
- WHO?YOU MEAN TOMMY?
WAIT.WHERE'D HE GO?
- YOUR PARTNER IS AN INFORMANTFOR JAMIE OLIVER.
- [laughing]DUDE, THAT WAS SWEET!
HE'S ALL CHOKED!
- SO HOW DO I KNOWYOU'RE NOT A LIAR TOO?
- HEY, COLONEL,
I'VE BEEN YOUR BIGGEST SUPPORTERSINCE I WAS TWO YEARS OLD.
I LOVE YOUR CHICKEN.I LOVE YOU.
- I THINK YOU AND MECAN WORK THIS THING OUT, ERIC,
DO BUSINESS TOGETHERA LONG TIME.
- GOOD.
- JUST REMEMBER,I ONLY TELL YOU ONE TIME.
DON'T FUCK ME, ERIC.
DON'T YOU EVER TRYTO FUCK ME.
[suspenseful music]
- RANDY!
RANDY, WILL YOU LOOKAT YOURSELF?
YOUR BALLSARE GETTING BIGGER!
- I KNOW.THEY'RE PRETTY SWOLLEN.
KIND OF HURTS.I'M GONNA GO BUY SOME MORE WEED.
- RANDY, PLEASE!
WHEN YOU GET BACK...
DO YOU THINK MAYBEWE COULD MAKE LOVE AGAIN?
- OH, SOMEONE'SFEELING FRISKY AGAIN, HUH?
- OH, IT'S JUST THAT I THOUGHTSOME MORE ALONE TIME
COULD MAYBE BE REALLY--- HEY, MY EYES ARE UP HERE.
- I'M SORRY. I JUST--- IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I JUST WANT YOU TO LOOK AT MEWHEN WE MAKE LOVE
AND NOT JUST AT MY BALLS.
I'LL BE HOME SOON, BABE.[smooches]
[whimsical music]
♪
[music stops]
[grunting]
HEY, UH, COULD YOU, UH,GET ME HALF A POUND
OF THATSUBURBAN SUNRISE, PLEASE?
- I'M SORRY, SIR, BUT YOU HAVETO BE INSIDE THE STORE.
- WELL, UH, I'M RIGHT HERE.
CAN YOU JUST BRING IT OVER?
- SELLING MEDICINAL MARIJUANA
OUTSIDE THE CONFINESOF AN APPROVED SHOP
IS STILL ILLEGAL.
- UGH.
[grunting]
GET THIS--GET THIS BALL HERE.
[grunting louder]
LOOK, I'M STARTING TO FEELKIND OF STUPID.
CAN I PLEASE GET HIGH?
MAKING A DEAL WITH THE COLONELFOR 10,000 MORE BOXES?
I CAN'T MOVETHAT MUCH CHICKEN!
- WILL YOU RELAX, BILLY?IT'S FINE.
- FINE? I'M NOT MAKINGANY MONEY HERE.
I'M LOSING IT!
I HAVE TO PAYFOR MORE SECURITY.
I GOT THE COPS UP MY ASS!
AND I HAVE TO PAYFOR ALL THESE SORTERS
TO CUT THE CHICKENFOR DISTRIBUTION!
- BILLY, BILLY, WE'VE GOTTO BE THINKING BIGGER HERE.
IT'S TIME TO EXPAND.
- HOW CAN I EXPANDWHEN 36% OF OUR PRODUCT
IS GOING TO YOU?
- GET OUT THERE AND SELLTHE CHICKEN OR GET LOST!
YOU'VE FORGOTTEN WHO THE BOSSOF THIS OPERATION IS, ERIC!
- YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOINGTO BE AROUND A LOT LONGER.
- WHAT IS THATSUPPOSED TO MEAN?
- I TOLD YOUR MOM
YOU GOT AN "F"ON THAT SOCIAL STUDIES TEST.
- YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT.
- DOES A BEAR CRAPIN THE WOODS?
AND DOES THE POPE CRAPON THE BROKEN LIVES AND DREAMS
OF 200 DEAF BOYS?
- BILLY!
YOUR FATHER AND IWANT TO TALK TO YOU!
- BYE-BYE, BILLY.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE,LISTEN UP.
I'M IN CHARGE NOW.
ANYBODY GOTA PROBLEM WITH THAT?
ALL RIGHT, GOOD.
- WHERE DO WE WANT THEM? all: WEED STORES!
- WHAT DO WE WANT?all: BIGGER DOORS!
- WHERE DO WE WANT THEM? all: WEED STORES!
- LOOK, I'M SORRY,BUT THE BILL SAYS
I CAN'T MODIFYANY EXISTING STRUCTURE.
- WELL, I GUESSWE COULD CHANGE THE LAW
TO ALLOWFOR MEDICINAL MARIJUANA
TO BE SOLD JUST OUTSIDETHE DOOR OF THE SHOP.
- I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE THE RULESHOULD BE SOMEBODY CAN BUY
THE MEDICINAL WEEDFOR OTHERS.
- LOOK, CAN'T WE SKIP ALL THISAND JUST MAKE POT LEGAL?
EVERYONE IS JUST ABUSINGTHIS MEDICINAL SYSTEM ANYWAY.
IT'S RIDICULOUS.
- WHAT'S RIDICULOUS ABOUT IT?
- HOLD ON, HOLD ON,PEOPLE, PLEASE!
WE ARE ALL FORGETTINGWHAT IS REALLY AT ISSUE HERE.
LOOK AROUND.THESE MEN ALL HAVE CANCER.
IT'S NO COINCIDENCE THATWHEN THIS BUILDING CHANGED,
THE RISE IN CANCER WENT UP.
DON'T YOU SEE?
THE KFCWAS KEEPING PEOPLE HEALTHY!
- MR. CARTMAN, COME ON.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BEHANDLING THE BUSINESS.
YOU'RE EATING TOO MUCHOF THE STUFF.
- SHUT UP, KEVIN.
I'M THE BOSS,NOT YOU, BUTT-LICKER.
- ERIC, THE COLONELIS ON THE PHONE FOR YOU.
HE SOUNDS PISSED.
- WHAT?OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I FORGOT THE--DAMN IT!OKAY.
PUT HIM ON SPEAKER.
- HELLO? HELLO?
- COLONEL, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- OH, WE HAD SOME PROBLEMS,YOU KNOW, COLONEL.
- ERIC, WHAT HAPPENED?
- WE HAD A LITTLE PROBLEM.
- I HEARD.
- YEAH, HOW'D YOU HEAR THAT?
- BECAUSE JAMIE OLIVER GAVEHIS SPEECH AT THE U.N. TODAY.
HE WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO GIVETHAT SPEECH, ERIC.
- YEAH, IT'S OKAY.WE'LL GET HIM NEXT TIME.
- THERE'S NOT GOING TO BEA NEXT TIME,
YOU FUCKINGDUMB COCKSUCKER.
- HEY, TAKE IT EASY, COLONEL.
- I TOLD YOU A LONG TIME AGO,YOU FUCKING LITTLE MONKEY,
NOT TO FUCK ME.
- HEY!HEY, WHO THE FUCK
DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKINGTO, HUH? HUH?
OH, CRAP![boys screaming]
[sirens wailing]
- FREEZE!- IT'S THE COPS!
- RUN, BILLY, RUN!AAH!
- MOMMY, NO!
THIS TOWN PASSED A BILLTHAT SEEMED SILLY TO SOME.
SINCE THEN, WE'VE HADUNDERGROUND BLACK MARKETS,
CRIME, DEATH,AND SHOOTINGS.
BUT NOW THE BILLHAS BEEN REPEALED,
AND I AM RELIEVED TO ANNOUNCE
THAT ONCE AGAINMARIJUANA IS ILLEGAL!
[crowd cheering]
- AND ANOTHER BILLHAS BEEN REPEALED AS WELL,
'CAUSE EVER SINCEWE GOT RID OF KFC,
WE'VE SEENA GREAT RISE IN CANCER.
BUT TODAYWE WELCOME BACK KFC
AND ALL THE MEDICAL BENEFITSIT GIVES US.
[crowd cheering]
- WELL, I GOT TO ADMIT.
IT'S A LOT EASIERTO GET INSIDE DOORS
WITH MY LITTLEPROSTHETIC BALLS.
- YEAH, GREAT.
- OH, SHARON,DON'T BE UPSET.
THE DOCTORMADE YOU A SOUVENIR.
- OH, RANDY, I LOVE IT!
- AND WHEN IT GETS COLD,IT SHRINKS.
- SHARON, YOU GOTA SCROTUM COAT?
- YEP.
- LUCKY!
Medicinal Fried Chicken
s14e03 March 31, 2010
Cartman's favorite restaurant has been shut down and replaced by a store that sells medicinal marijuana. Meanwhile, Randy is desperate to get a prescription card to treat his testicular cancer.
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