KENNY !SHUT UP, KENNY !
YOU SHUT UP, FAT ASS !
HANG IN THERE, SWEETIEWE'LL BE THERE SOON.
WELCOME ABOARD SCOTLAND AIR.
OUR TRIP TO EDINBURGH SHOULDTAKE ABOUT TWELVE HOURS.
TWELVE HOURS ?
JESUS CHRIST !
IN THE MEANTIME, WE'D LIKE TOSHOW YOU A COMPLIMENTARY FILM.
OH GOOD.
ROB SCHNEIDER IS AWALL STREET EXECUTIVE.
WITH EVERYTHINGGOING FOR HIM !
ONLY PROBLEM IS
HE'S ABOUT TO BECOME...
A CARROT !
I'M A CARROT !
IT'S TWENTY FOURCARROT COMEDY !
ROB SCHNEIDER IS...
"A CARROT"RATED PG-13.
OH FOR THE,LOVE OF CHRIST.
I WANNA WATCH,FAT BOY !
NO KENNY,IT'S NOT FUNNY !
KYLE - KYLE !
Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRALTO STOP ME STAN,
THIS IS WHATMY GRANDMA WANTS !
LOOK, I WENT AND SAWTHAT JOHN EDWARD GUY.
HE'S JUST A BIG DOUCHE.
HE'S NOT A DOUCHE !
HE TALKEDTO MY GRANDMA !
KYLE, YOU CAN'TRUN YOUR LIFE BASED ON
WHAT SOME DOUCHIEPSYCHIC SAID.
THEY ALL JUST USE A TECHNIQUECALLED "COLD READING".
THEY'VE USED IT FORHUNDREDS OF YEARS
TO MAKE PEOPLEBELIEVE THEM.
HEY, WOA NOW,JOHN EDWARD IS FOR REAL !
NO, HE'S NOT.
YEAH, MY SISTERTOLD ME
HE KNEW OUR MOTHER'S NAMEAND WHEN SHE DIED !
JOHN EDWARD ?
OH YEAH, I HEARD HE WALKED UPTO A GUY ON THE STREET
AND SAID HIS DEAD FATHERWANTED TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY
AND IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY !
YEAH, KID, HOW DOYOU EXPLAIN THAT ?
ALRIGHT, LOOKI'LL SHOW YOU.
I JUST NEED A VOLUNTEER,HOW ABOUT YOU ?
OHHH, ME !
( applause )
OKAY, I'M GOING TOPRETEND THAT A DEAD PERSON
IS TALKING TO MEABOUT YOU, OKAY ?
OKAY...
OKAY, WATCH KYLE.
IT'S AN OLDER MAN--SOMEONE VERY CLOSE TO YOU.
MY FATHER ?
DOES THIS MONTH, NOVEMBER,HOLD A SPECIAL SIGNIFICANCE ?
MY BIRTHDAYIS IN NOVEMBER !
RIGHT, BECAUSE HE'S SAYING"TELL HER HAPPY BIRTHDAY".
OH MY GOD !
SEE KYLE, I JUST STARTED WITHSOMETHING REALLY VAGUE.
I CHOSE "OLDER MAN"BECAUSE I'M BETTING
THAT BASED ON THIS WOMAN'S AGEHER FATHER IS MOST LIKELY DEAD.
BUT IF HERFATHER WASN'T DEAD
I COULD STILL SAY IT WASSOME OTHER OLDER MAN.
BUT HOW'D YOU KNOWHER BIRTHDAY WASIN NOVEMBER ?
I DIDN'T, I ASKED HER IFNOVEMBER MEANT ANYTHING.
HER FATHER COULD HAVEDIED IN NOVEMBER
OR THANKSGIVING WASREALLY SPECIAL FOR THEM
BUT I GO WITH THE BIRTHDAYAND VALIDATE NOW AS IF I KNEW
BY SAYING, "HE WISHES YOUA HAPPY BIRTHDAY".
WHAT ELSE DOES HE SAY ?
OKAY, I'LL JUST USEAN OLD STANDARD...
HE'S SAYING, "THE MONEY--STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE MONEY".
OH MY GOD...
MY SISTER AND I HAVE BEENFIGHTING OVER HIS INHERITANCE !
THAT'S AMAZING !
NO, IT ISN'T.
WHEN A FATHER DIESINHERITANCE IS USUALLY AN ISSUE.
AND MONEY IS SOMETHINGEVERYONE WORRIES ABOUT.
THAT SOUNDS A LITTLETOO COINCIDENTAL.
YES, THERE'S ONLYONE EXPLANATION.
THIS KID CAN COMMUNICATEWITH THE DEAD !
WOW !WOW !WOAAA !
DO ME NEXT, I WANT TOTALK TO MY MOTHER !
CAN YOU TRY TO REACHMY GRANDFATHER ?
YOU HAVE TO TELL ME
IF MY SISTER ISIN A GOOD PLACE !
ME NEXT !I'LL PAY YOU !
KID, HOW WOULD YOULIKE YOUR OWN
"TALKING TO THE DEAD" SHOW ?
The Carrot
The Biggest Douche in the Universe s06e15
Stan wows pedestrians in New York.

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